A Sailor's Christmas

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

GoingForward, I am somewhat on your side of the fence regarding this.

IMHO, I really didn't think his email was that bad. I thought he had a valid reason for what he said. HOWEVER, SMW has a valid reason for thinking the same thing. soooooo, there's the cycle. They are both doing the same thing to each other, albeit he started it first.

So, I am on a Merry -go-round and not a roller coaster? great! They make me completely sick to my stomach I think I prefer the roller coaster.

So I told SMW I was glad that she has chosen to respond to his emails, as I think it is the polite and courteous thing to do, and I would expect, or like my H to do the same to me. Or anyone for that matter.

Now, I like the direct and to the point, however, I really feel there is a lack of personableness (I cannot for the life of me figure out a word to use, that's all I could come up with) And if I were her H, I would take this email that SMW is annoyed/mad and is done being nice. Now, if that is what she wants him to think, then I think, okay cool, now let's see what happens.

I am not done being nice, I am done going out of my way to be nice.

However, as I mentioned to her in an email, that when I was dealing with my H, I wanted him to see me as happy, having fun, enjoying life, and enjoying him when he was enjoyable, and not letting his action affect me. I wanted him to think that I was capable of going on alone and being just fine and happy without him, but not that I was upset or mad at him. Now he DID know that I did not approve of his A, and in fact I despised his choices, but I wasn't going to let it affect my own happiness. If he wanted to screw up his life, then so be it, I'll be making my own life.

I do not tell him anything that I am doing. He has not expressed any interest in any of it at all since the bomb. Not school, nothing. Even when he was coming over here and I was going out, he never said a word about it, never asking where I was going--he was only worried about when I would be home so he could leave.

anyways, since he is gone, he is unable to see SMW GALing, having fun, living a life. So, the only things he sees (unless other people are telling him things) are these emails. If they are nonresponsive, or even just "okay" emails, then how will this show him she has changed and the new life she is enjoying?

And, since the only person who might say anything to him is his BF, who would hear it from his wife, and BF is on the side of reconciliation, I don't think he would much care to hear it. I do not see my inlaws very often--once a month or so, at most. I do not know that they would say anything to him, since they are non-confrontational and do not want to face teh reality of what is going on.

Does this make sense? I understand the concept of going dark and all. I just never used it. Perhaps, if my sitch had lasted much longer, I may have, but I think I would still make my emails sound like his choices didn't bother me (unless it was a boundary issue) and that I was having a fun life.

Right now, the only time his choices bother me is when I feel like he is jerking the kids around. Last month, when he talked to D5 on the phone, he told her we could all go to Disney World when he gets back. WTH was that?????? Did he mean it or was he just playing along with her to tell her no later? She has been telling everyone that her Daddy said we are going to Disney World when he gets home. I sincerely hope, for everyone's sake, that he meant it.

sorry SMW if I wasn't speaking directly to you.

love ya, and you just take my opinions however you want.

It is okay. I know you guys are all trying to help me make the best decisions for ME first, then the kids, and ultimately, with God's grace, my M.

SMW