Remembered my light fun thing! (Not actually that funny....)
Was the speech you gave your H about D the warm up for the speech you are going to give my H on my behalf? I really think you should - you are so much nicer than me! xxx
Merry Christmas beautiful OD! Will be thinking of you lots, and hoping that you are having serious CEO or H action over Xmas and NYE! Thanks for being so encouraging and uplifting on my thread. I dont think I would have made it through this year without your support, you have a knack of calming me down and helping me keep hope alive. You are always my inspiration. Thanks for your friendship! I hope 2009 is a special year for you. Lots of Love xx
Thankyou for visiting. I hope you guys are all OK and having a great week so far.
I'm off work now until the New year, which is good. Working in the shelter again starting tomorrow- it was a good experience last year so I hope it's good this year too.
I had a bit of a difficult day yesterday, which H knew was coming. He called me twice in the morning and left messages. He was obviously upset- he voice cracked as he spoke both times. Later in the day I managed to text him back. He replied with a message saying he could call me if I needed to talk. That annoyed me a bit- I thought he should call me to see how I was rather than putting the onus on me to ask him to call. Anyway, I sent a short reply, and then when I'd calmed down a longer one saying it was fine if he wasn't going to call and thanking him for thinking of me during the day.
A few minutes later he called and we spoke for a while. I say we spoke, but I was really upset and crying, and he was crying too, apologising for not having been there to support me. He said he'd been thinking about me all day. I said I understood and that it had been a long time and I didn't expect him to be with me for difficult days- that he didn't need to be sorry and I was sorry if I'd upset him. He said a few times that I didn't need to be sorry. He also tried to calm me down in the way he used to ages ago- confident and strong. I haven't seen that guy for ages. He also said he'd expected to hear from me earlier in the day, and had ignored a call from his BMF because it wasn't me. And he offered to come and help me sort out our storage unit later in the conversation, and to let me know how his Xmas preparations went.
*sigh* I don't know why he doesn't realise that thinking about me all day when I have a difficult day, and crying when I cry and smiling when I smile, means that he loves me. It was good that he offered to help me sort out our storage unit, anyway, and that he called. Maybe this will help him work out what he feels/wants, although I'm not holding my breath. I guess he might just have been responding to the stress of the situation and my upset, so we'll see.
I think I'll call him/text on Xmas day to thank him for the presents if he doesn't make contact before then.
And that's it for now. I hope you guys all have a brilliant holiday season and that 2009 is the best year yet.
Hey Lisa, I have no idea whats going on with you, but my heart goes out to you. It made me sad to read your post, I hope you are doing a little better now??
Its very odd.. he obviously cares deeply for you, loves you even I am sure. But.. for some reason, he chooses to stay with the aub. I feel that my ex loves me too and cares deeply about me (he has told me so since we split)...but that doesnt equate to being in love, or feeling motivated, or brave enough to want to try again I suppose. From what some poeple have posted to me, there doesnt seem to be much movement toward reconciliation, whilst ow is on the scene.
He was perhaps being respectful by NOT calling and letting you decide if you wanted to speak to him, or more likely, maybe he didnt feel as though he had the right to phone you, considering the situation??
Its positive he said he would help sort out your storage unit.. I like your plan to contact him Christmas Day. I'm sorry you have been in a bad space, sending you hugs and love Al xxxxx
I'm so sorry you had such a sad day yesterday but I'm glad that your H was in contact with you knowing that it was going to be hard. He obviously loves you and holds a deep connection with you. Why any man would want to give that up for "less than" is beyond me. You handled yourself brilliantly with him and it sounds like you were very honest and open about your feelings. Good job. We can't hold ourselves back forever out of fear that our true selves will destroy our DBing efforts. To thine own self be true!!!
I pray that you have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed and joyous new year.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Nothing so much to add other than I hope you have great holidays! It is truly very clear that your H loves you. I know you don't want to push him, and I think you're incredibly patient...maybe things will come to a head after the new year. I hope they go the way you want them to!
Thinking of you...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Sounds like quite an emotionally connected call...there can be no doubt that there still remains such a significant emotional connection between the two of you, and particularly for h. But it is hard to know what is going on for him. You hit the nail on the head in that it seems obvious he cares still and yet there is something that blocks him.
The connection is still there, still strong. How are you doing through this?
Merry Christmas in advance, though I realise it is a difficult time for all of us.
