fb2 you are killing me. Someone else told me I am not Sunshine with him. I am not. 2 close friends of mine have told me that in past. No matter how much I loved him , this guy is obviously bad for my health...
I think I am depressed, yes. Or getting there. But I cant think of what he needs. I am doing little things he likes that I dont mention here, like cook him his favourite food, make sure he doesnt forget his stuff (it's an issue he has), praise him in front of the kids, a couple of times I have touched his arm, suggested solutions for practical issues he always asked from me, tell him I understand he is tired, kept my mouth shut when he gave me wrong directions and I was waiting for him in the rain, after midnight to go to that singer, etc etc... I was pleasant with his friends, smiling, looked good, smelled good, etc etc. I CANT DO MUCH BECAUSE I DONT SEE HIM!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? THAT IS WHY I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!! I see him 6-8 hours a week all in the same day (Sat). I am still dealing with my household, kids, money (lack of it), etc etc. He stayed up playing cards with his friends last night till 7 in the morning and slept till 16:00... Our kids were with my mom and my sick dad... Hello? How does he resume responsibilities for his part of the deal, for his kids, for us? I think it suits him, plays family and is single, to sleep in , go out late, etc etc while my torture is prolonged. Yes I am getting depressed. You are frustrated? LOL
I asked what he wants/needs. He said he wants things to be quiet, calm, my strength, support as he USED to (his words). Well, he doesnt deserve those. Someone needs to break this circle. What if I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH? Have you thought of that? What if it is beyond my powers and I am stuck hoping he can get us started while he is back in his previous mode where "we run on my engine"?
I understand what you are saying. I appreciate you trying to make me think another way. Dont, for one minute, assume, I havent been 2x4ing myself. I feel dead. Cant react. K
