H saw D on Christmas Eve for a few hours. I played Santa and wrapped D's gifts and baked dessert for my aunt's house on Christmas. Then I picked up D and went to visit my friend and her new baby in the hospital. I LOOOOVE babies and it was great to hold her for that hour!
We didn't hear from H at all yesterday until later. I tm him saying "Merry Christmas! Thinking of you and hope you have a wonderful day!" He tm be back - hours later - saying "thanks! Merry X-mass! I'll be moving in with dad and step-mom tomorrow and will be talking to you then. Give D a big hug for me and a Merry Christmas!" Well, we never heard from him today and I don't think me moved in with his parents either since we didn't see his car there the 2 times we past their street today (once on the way to the movies and then on the way to my mom's). I don't get why he lies like this - even when not asked for information!
Thinking of you. It appears that you are much warmer than we are right now!!
I think right now the best thing to do is let him be, don't ask him questions as he has a lot to sort out in his alien life.
Just be kind, and I hope he is not bringing up the letter anymore.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I really hope someone is available right now. I'm in bad shape. I just finished IC and updated her on the convo with MIL, w/H's tm to me on Christmas saying he's moving back to dad's and didn't, and how he tm me this morning asking if he can take D to MIL's tomorrow...but never showed up to see her today.
IC believes now that H is NEVER coming back. She said I need to forget about him, move on and better my life for me since it appears we will be divorcing. I cried the whole entire time. I'm so confused! Last week at IC, she was telling me that H shows his anger to me because he loves me, is safe with me, etc and now she's saying it looks as though he's so far gone he's not going to return. She said that 2 years is long enough for him to break from this and if he hasn't yet, then he's not going to and I wouldn't want the man he is now anyway. She told me to detach myself from him for good.
I called H and asked if we could talk about it. He said there's nothing more for him to talk about and he's planning on filing D papers next week. I asked him why he decided that when the day before Christmas he told me he still has feelings for me and that's why he hasn't divorced me. He said it's because he's tired of being so angry and he hates everything and everyone in life right now and wants that to change. He said we've gotten no where the past 2 years and it's obvious to him that it won't work. I told him that he has alot of anger and I have alot of hurt, but I don't think we've tried with eachother yet....we haven't tried MC, dating, chatting, etc. We haven't tried rebuilding, but has shown eachother our hurt. He said he "will give me the opportunity to talk to him tomorrow and who knows what will happen then, but divorce papers are on his mind".
FG, First off, I don't think your IC knows what will or will not happen. True two years is quite a while for anyone to be floating in the universe. However, I've seen them be gone for 2,3,4,5 years or even longer and then wake up. So, unless you are really ready to give up and move on w/your life, then take what the IC said w/a grain of salt.
As for speaking to your h about the divorce papers, let it go. Unless he raises the issue, I wouldn't say another word about it. The more you push this talk, the more he's going to say he wants a divorce, etc.
About him moving in w/his father, something may have come up and he just didn't get around to doing it when he said he would. Your expectations of him are still quite high and you need to lower the bar to zero. When they are in crisis, they say they are going to do something, but if something more interesting comes along or the fog grabs them, what they said they would be doing goes on the back burner.
For now, sit still and allow the man upstairs to work on him. Do not raise the issue of divorce again, unless, of course you are ready to move out on it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
FG,go with your gut. Your IC is supposed to help you, not predict the future.
IMO don't even try an R talk with your H, it will only push his buttons and escalate to another big fight.
Your H has been talking about letters, moving, calling for months/years. Until his actions prove different there is no reason to believe a single word he utters.
In the meantime, work on the pieces of your life that will move you forward. (((((FG)))))
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
