Thankyou for visiting. I hope you guys are all OK and having a great week so far.
I'm off work now until the New year, which is good. Working in the shelter again starting tomorrow- it was a good experience last year so I hope it's good this year too.
I had a bit of a difficult day yesterday, which H knew was coming. He called me twice in the morning and left messages. He was obviously upset- he voice cracked as he spoke both times. Later in the day I managed to text him back. He replied with a message saying he could call me if I needed to talk. That annoyed me a bit- I thought he should call me to see how I was rather than putting the onus on me to ask him to call. Anyway, I sent a short reply, and then when I'd calmed down a longer one saying it was fine if he wasn't going to call and thanking him for thinking of me during the day.
A few minutes later he called and we spoke for a while. I say we spoke, but I was really upset and crying, and he was crying too, apologising for not having been there to support me. He said he'd been thinking about me all day. I said I understood and that it had been a long time and I didn't expect him to be with me for difficult days- that he didn't need to be sorry and I was sorry if I'd upset him. He said a few times that I didn't need to be sorry. He also tried to calm me down in the way he used to ages ago- confident and strong. I haven't seen that guy for ages. He also said he'd expected to hear from me earlier in the day, and had ignored a call from his BMF because it wasn't me. And he offered to come and help me sort out our storage unit later in the conversation, and to let me know how his Xmas preparations went.
*sigh* I don't know why he doesn't realise that thinking about me all day when I have a difficult day, and crying when I cry and smiling when I smile, means that he loves me. It was good that he offered to help me sort out our storage unit, anyway, and that he called. Maybe this will help him work out what he feels/wants, although I'm not holding my breath. I guess he might just have been responding to the stress of the situation and my upset, so we'll see.
I think I'll call him/text on Xmas day to thank him for the presents if he doesn't make contact before then.
And that's it for now. I hope you guys all have a brilliant holiday season and that 2009 is the best year yet.
