For the Guy with Kids and a WW Twenty Two

[hopeful4her]

Ok, she called me on the way home last night. Sucked me into an almost two hour conversation.

Started out with her asking if I had time to talk and was I ABLE to talk. She wanted to get my thoughts on something. Turns out, she had just had a talk with S14 and she wanted to discuss that and her conversation with her ex last night.

It went from me listening to her to her lumping me in with her ex in trying to 'get' her so "bring it on", to an R talk, to divorce talk, to all kinds of crap.

I gave her many truths. She is not hiding OM anymore, so she says, but I know that isn't completely true. About S14 telling her that he is moving in with his dad in Febuary and its his decision. S14 telling her that gets too depressed and cries too much. Her telling him that she has moved on.

At this point, I wasn't sure WHO she was talking about. I assumed it was me.

Her saying she is happy, me telling her that I know her and that I know she ISN'T happy. Her asking me how I know. I told her that I know her and that she knows me and that I'm not happy. I remind her that I know that she hates how well I know her.

She says that she guesses she'll just be alone the rest of her life. I ask why she says that, and she says "Well Ex couldn't make me happy, you couldn't make me happy and who knows if OM is going to."

I tell her that she needs to find her own happiness. She asks me how I know what is going to make her happy. I tell her that I DON'T know. How can ANYONE know if SHE doesn't know herself. I tell her that I know she isn't happy with our situation, she is not happy with how things happened and that she is NOT happy with herself.

She tells me that we would be divorced if she had the money. I ask her why doesn't OM pay for it and she says that it isn't his issue and why should he pay? I tell her that it is what they both want.

We talk more. She listens. She asks me "What if Tom makes me happy? Can you accept that?"

I tell her that I have no say. She says that I need to stop saying bad things about him to the girls. I tell her "I can't even stand to say his name, so what makes you think I want to talk about him to my girls?"

She say that he doesn't say bad things about me. "Whats there to say?" I ask.

She says that she asked D11 if she is okay with her and I not being together and that she said yes. I tell her that D11 is going to SAY that, but that the kids will never be okay, and that she can try to hide from it, but it will be something they will have to deal with the rest of their lives. They should have not been taught that it ok to do what she has/is doing while she is still married.

We wound down the conversation talking about Christmas. I asked her what is was that SHE wanted to do for Christmas.

"Well, I thought it would be nice to spend Christmas together, since the girls still believe in Santa, but I guess.....things have to change."

"Yeah."

I ask her if she wants to come over that house on Christmas day early enough before the kids wake up.

"That up to you."
"I'm ASKING you if you want to come over early, before they wake up."
"Okay."

I ask about S14 and she says she'll let me know, but that she'll more than likely go pick him up from Ex before she comes over. She wants to spend Christmas day with them at her place and that I'm welcome to come over and be there.

"I'm not sure."
"About what? Coming over?
"Yeah, not sure if its the best thing for me."
"Why?"
"Because its better that I don't HIS stuff around your place and..."
"What stuff? Theres not stuff....
"And also all the calls that he makes suddenly while I'm there and you taking his calls in front of me....I don't deserve that."
"Your phone rings all the time, too. Your always checking YOUR phone and I don't say anything."

"Yeah, I get a lot of bill collectors too. I'm not dating anyone."

I can hear D7 talking to her and she is being distracted. We kind of sit on the phone. She says she better let me go and I tell her to let me know what happens with S14. She says she'll call me when she finds out.

At one point, she DID say how her and OM's relationship has changed, and took it as seemingly not for the better. I was telling her how she or we shouldn't look to someone else to make up happy. We should have learned that by now. That I was NOT looking for her to fail.

"Yes you are. Your waiting for me to come back."
"I NEVER wanted you to fail. I'll admit that I do want your relationship with TOM to fail. I do admit that, but not for you to fail. I would never wish that on you. You know me better than that."

We never raised our voices. I did call her on being defensive and that she usually does that when I say something that she doesn't want to hear.

In the end, I asked myself, "Why DID she call me?"

On one side of her mouth she says one thing, and on the other she says something different. Especially when it concerns OM.

I feel like we may still have our connection, but I think that there is just no ATTRACTION to me anymore. At one point, we were talking about what she wants, or to be specific, that she doesn't know what she wants.

She says, "You don't."
I say, "Well then, we're two people that don't know what they want."
"I meant, YOU don't know what I want."
That's when I told her that NO ONE will ever know what she wants until SHE figures out what she wants.

She remains confused.