you know, I am thinking having the kids go with him is a bad idea. I don't think THEY should be there without YOU. I know your wanting to keep tabs on him, but I think you need to let that go. If he wants to have a secret R with her, he'll find a way, so having "bodyguards" I don't think is really the answer. I understand the boundary, but using the kids is just not sounding good to me.
I think you should use a boundary of him getting something legal started. I think I would say, "Are you comfortable with this arrangement with your son that OW has forced on you? What would you like for the arrangement to be? While I appreciate the fact that you are respecting my wish to take someone with you to OW's house, this can't be something that can continue. If you are interested in working on our M, then this arrangement that OW has control over needs to be changed. It is causing stress on all of us and it is detrimental to our relationship. I would love for you to file something legally so that you can take back some control. If not, I need to tell you that I will not be okay with this arrangement much longer."
that's just mho.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
(((Babygirl)))....just have you on my heart sweetie. Wish I could give you a Christmas miracle, but we know in real life that is not how it works. Think about yourself and put yourself first. He isn't going to, so BG has to.
We all love you and want you to be a surviver. Just get through Christmas. I have never heard of so many families spliting apart as I have this time.
You are in my heart and in my prayers.
Love, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
St-like Bg said we have wondered why he is doing what he is doing and I too have presented her with the same questions and thoughts you did. So glad i'm not the only one sticking up for him a little.
BG-I also agree with ST's later comment about the kids and the legal stuff. If nothing else, it may make him make his choice obvious to you one way or the other.
You know that my biggest concern is you and YOUR kids and your health, so only you can decide what is right for you. I will support you however you choose to handle it.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
St-like Bg said we have wondered why he is doing what he is doing and I too have presented her with the same questions and thoughts you did. So glad i'm not the only one sticking up for him a little.
I agree too Kel, but I don't think it is "sticking up for" as much as it is offering understanding. And forgiveness. Breakaway, I don't think it will do anyone any good to try to "imagine" the whys and wherefores of the things that H has done and said. If BG wants her marriage restored it will never happen by harboring anger and bitterness. Only God's total forgiveness will work.
That being said, it's all about what BG wants. In no way should she offer herself as a doormat. She knows what boundary she has to put out, and then follow through.
She also knows that we are here to support her. She is the wife, and she is the real family. Just because H's coworker got nocked up - does not a family make.
Last edited by 1hope; 12/23/0801:46 PM.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I'll be back to read up and post, just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten about you.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
morning all. man its windy here. great tomorrow is xmas eve, and guess what? we have nothing done. talk about last minute stress. oh well, it shouldnt be to hard. I am going to talk to him about us not exchanging gifts to eachother. it feels really weird to me right now. sometimes i defend my h, mostly not lol, but I do appreciate the insight and any understanding I can have. H emailed me some pics of this summer, of course, 2 of them have GAG me in them, she looks OLDer than I do! I will try and see if I can put them up on the alt!! Guess we shall see how today goes. i didnt see him yesterday cause of work til after 8. after today he will be off pretty much til Jan.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
I agree with ST. You need to set the boundaries. You need to figure out what is going to work for you, too. You're amazingly strong.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
