How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[SingleDad]

I have been holding back for the past 11 months on my desire to express my feelings to my W's side of the family - as my W told me never to contact them, I didn't. But I continue to feel Not letting them know my feelings - that I do not want this divorce, I love my wife, I love my daughter - I am doing everything I can to save my marriage.

I do not want them to think and I do not want my daughter to ever think that I didn't do what I felt in my heart was the right thing to do - save the marriage.

I thus finally did it... I sent this email to everyone on her side of the family.


"All -

I want you all to know I have never wanted and will never want this divorce to happen - In spite of all of the hardships, I have continued to do everything possible to save my marriage with Michelle. I completely understand why Michelle feels this is her only choice - why we may have needed time apart - It gave me time to reflect on what was going wrong in our marriage and where I was wrong in my priorities. I have repeatedly told Michelle I am willing to do what ever it takes for her to be happy within our family, but I will never agree with that a divorce when we have a Brooke together is the right thing to do.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my life - I lost 35 lbs through anguish in February alone, and nearly lost my job -trying to save my family. But perseverance breeds character.

Our marriage began to fall apart when both Michelle and I got caught up in the stresses and frustrations of other aspects of our lives and neglected the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of each other. I believe in my heart that my enduring love for Michelle can prevail - given time.

I have forgiven Michelle through prayer to God, and I hope Michelle can forgive me for not being the best Husband to her - I love her so much and can be the man she married and be a loving husband and father - all that she expects from a man.

I made a commitment to Michelle and to God with all of you as my witnesses that I would love, honor and cherish Michelle till death do us part. I have and will continue to maintain this commitment. I do and have always loved Michelle with all of my heart and to the best of my ability. Most couples go through hard times and we are no exception. We all have our struggles, things do not always work out as planned. But if both people are willing and put their heart and soul into it, they can work through their troubles.

I have tried to give Michelle everything she wanted during our marriage and continue to give her everything she wants throughout our divorce.
I have struggled through the last 11 months trying to show Michelle my love, my desire to work on our problems, and my ability and desire to make the changes in myself in order to make our marriage work.

I have been sole searching every single day in this process.

To no avail. Michelle has never looked back or had second thoughts. She is totally convinced that we are not meant to be together. I disagree and view that line of thinking as the easy easy out. And I believe that all relationships will fail if they can't work through hard times which come with every relationship. Yet Michelle continues to plow forward with her life in search of greener pastures - and potentially to start a new family - and in doing so continues to grow further and further apart.

Most say that I should give up.

But we have Brooke together - and I have made a commitment to be the best father possible to her. I love Brooke with all of my heart as well, and I would do anything for her. Including doing everything possible to allow her parents so stay together and so she can grow up in a traditional family - one that can be stable, loving, and right.

I had believed Michelle when she told me "If you love someone, you need to let them go - they may just come back to you". I therefore, signed the 12 months legal separation. I was hoping that Michelle would learn that being a single parent and having all of your independence is not all it is cracked up to be - - and hoping that in time Michelle would change her mind. I overwhelmingly feel that passing our daughter back and forth everyday for the next 15 years is not right. A much better solution is to solve our own problems through reconciliation and marriage counseling. So far I have failed to have any influence upon Michelle - and the decisions that she is making - I am learning from Brooke the impact this is having on Brooke's life.

I do not want to look back on this time in 5 or 10 or 20 years and realize that I did not do everything possible to save our marriage. I do not want to tell Brooke when she is older that she lives in a broken home because I gave up fighting for what I feel is right.

I thought it was of utmost importance for you to know my point of view. I will continue to love Michelle and maintain a thread of hope that a reconciliation is possible. Whether or not a reconciliation can be accomplished, I want you to be rest assured that I will continue to do everything possible to be the best loving father a man can be toward Brooke.

I wanted you all to know that I love you and I want to wish you a Happy Holidays.

Sincerely, Jim"


I do not expect anything will change... But I know I feel better knowing I did what I feel is right and just.