2008 = Crazy Year (Havin Fun @ 21?)

[AlexEN]

Karen,

What a great question? Might be worth its own board...

It's the whole me, me, me, thing. Are the WAS innately just selfish people or is it a phase? Don't know.... Karen

In my instance, that's one of the things I've been trying to figure out. My W was an only child, but she grew up without having much in the way of material things. My IC says that only children are often spoiled (mine was not so much spoiled as she was controlled by her mother givng her conditional love) and used to getting what they want; moreover, they don't have the checks and balances of having to relate to and share with siblings. She's always been able to rationalize any purchase, too, and showers our children with gifts (Because she didn't get them? Because she didn't get "love" from her mother and gifts were important to her mother?). So, she's giving in certain instances, but in a superficial way (especially now that she is in "the fog"), and the entitlement, since she "earned" her way out of that life, seems extraordinarily magnified while she is in the fog. So, that's a long way of saying I think certain people may have innate tendencies toward selfishness, but those attributes are magnified by the wayward fog that makes them project blame outwards and seem all the more selfish.

I also saw this on a post about the mind of a wayward spouse, and I think it helps to explain the phenomenon you are describing, too...

The justifications of a WS can be mind-boggling! Wayward “fog babble” can be EXTREMELY convincing, though, especially to the BS. The reason for this is because the WS ABSOLUTELY believes what they are saying at the time. The BS has to keep in mind, though, that the justifications are so great for a WS because it is a defense mechanism to WARD OFF the feelings of guilt and shame that they SHOULD feel. Guilt and shame KILL the fantasies of a WS, and are replaced with unfounded excuses.

To not be entitled, would kill the fantasy and require facing up to one's own issues...

Sorry for the hijack, I just thought it was such a great question...

-AlexEN