Hope, I am not exactly in your shoes so I can't be certain of the 'right' thing to do.
Here is how I analysed your options:
1) If you are telling me that you choose self-respect over giving your M a chance, that is OK with me. Then by all means, do what the above adviced. You have to respect yourself in the end and that is very very important. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life so I understand.
2) If you are telling me that you want to try to reconcile in the future and try to rebuild your M at some point, then jeopardizing their jobs will make you out to be a 'bad guy' and it will take extra long for the two of you to get back into a good place. Not impossible but very very difficult. What are the chances that he will fall in love with you again after you throw him out, causes him to lose his job and acts, in his eyes, totally antagonistically towards him? Can you see it happening? Is that what you really want?
3) If you want to teach your daughters a lesson about marriage and self-respect, by all means, teach them. But please don't forget the lessons of following one's promise to respect and love in sickness and in health. I see our Hs in sickness at the moment, that is a choice I have chosen. It might be different for you. Also, promises are meant to be kept forever, not 'until it doesn't feel good to me anymore'. Which is the lesson your H is teaching them!!! Also, how about the lesson of giving something your all and not give up despite the greatest odds? These are good lessons too. They don't come from a place of anger or resentment. The 'I deserve self-respect damm*t' school of thought. Rather these lessons come from compassion and perseverence.
It's not a choice of just a nice house as opposed to self-respect, that's just simplifying it a little. It's more of what do you want in the end, Hope? That's what YOU need to decide. If you can't seem to make up your mind, then DO NOTHING. Don't do ANYTHING that you will regret later. You can still get nasty if it comes to a D. In fact, you can get nasty all you want after the D. But if you want to reconcile, getting nasty is not the way to go about it, that's all I am saying.
By the way, you have been married 21 years, you've EARNED your house. Why give it up just because he's screwing around on you? Let him suffer the consequences of his actions. Not you.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
