It's Complicated!

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

I think you have been given lots of advice and things to think about.

Since your sister is coming, it gives you the opportunity to take the focus off your H. Try and plan things to do while your sister is here for you, your kids and her to do.

Maybe it was just meant to be this way so that the focus is not so much on your h. You want to show her a nice time and I think this is your opportunity to do so without H.

[glamgirl]

Thanks for all the great advice. 25 yrs you are right in a lot of different ways. I have a lot to think about for my future. I just don't see my h in the picture anymore. You are right he has let me down, in more ways than one. Yes I had expectations for him, since he has been making progress towards home.

Christmas will go on without my h. My sis and I will have a good time. I have NO doubt about that. It's just that I hate to see our kids diappointed by my h's decisions. In so many ways my h has been such a disappointment.

I guess that would sum it all up. I am disappointed.

[MidwesternGirl]

Your h will have to answer to his kids as to why he was not there. As much as you all will miss having him there, just try and have a good time, relax, no pressure.............

[job]

Glam,
I'm w/M...just relax and enjoy the time you spend w/your sister and family. I do think that your h felt pressured indirectly.

Glam, when they are starting to inch towards home, this is the hardest part of the journey....you need to keep your expectations at zero even with the inching. The least little bit of expectation/pressure sends them right back into the hole. He may have felt that you were expecting him to jump right in and have a grand time with the family and he's just not quite there yet. Just leave him alone and allow him to inch back out of the hole once again. When he does, treat him kindly and know that he's doing the best he can to come home.

[glamgirl]

MWG I just don't know what direction to take. I thought I created a loving home for my h to come home to. I didn't react the way I would have in the past over many things. My h was making real progress.

Now I am thinking I just need to go down another path and let my h catch up if he wants. I am at a loss.

[glamgirl]

I bought gifts for my h and now I am not sure what to do with them. I feel like returning them. I am also wondering if I am back in time to 3 years ago and I should just be NC. I don't kow what to do.

[glamgirl]

Just the reminder of his gifts under the tree unopened is enough to send me over the edge.

[MidwesternGirl]

Personally, my opinion is you have to let him be and if he does not want to be there to celebrate, that means no gifts.

I think the others are right--no expectations. Only you can make a decision as to how you are going to deal with your marriage-do you wish to continue to stand or do you wish to move on without him?

If you decide to keep working at it, you will need to rely less on him (does he consider watching the kids pressure to him??)and have absolutely NO expectations at all. Let him work on himself.

[glamgirl]

Well it looks like my sis's flight took off, but I hope she doesn't get stranded in Oakland, CA now. Since it wasn't a direct flight I hope they don't decide to cancel her connector.

At least the other flight was direct, so they cancelled it right away.

My car is still buried in snow. I gave my sis public transport info, but now one portion of that train from the airport is not running.

It would have been nice if h could have picked her up, now we have to scramble around trying to figure out how to get her to the house.

I will probably have to walk with the kids to where she is being dropped off and walk with suitcases to the house.

All of this would not have been an issue if the weather would cooperate.

[MidwesternGirl]

did you check with the airport to find out about delays/arrivals, etc.?