Keep being amazing! Be guided by our loving and caring God. He is your rock and will always keep you standing when you need it.
I know it is incredibly hard but you can not make yourself available to Dan's incredible and selfish neediness now. Politely and firmly let him know that you need time to yourself to breathe and to heal. He is an enormous distraction and an obstacle to your being able to do that.
He is going to have to stand on his own two feet. As my darling likes to say, he is a "biggie boy" and he is going to have to find his own way.
All of us here refuse to let you be ground down to a pile of dust from having to appease and cajole him and hold his hand through everything.
The only allowable dialogue between the two of you should be just co-parenting matters. Stick to that planning calendar. Stick to your boundaries.
The blessings of the Lord are right under your nose. I am praying for you all. Keep moving and praying.
