I hope that you are doing great. I know that things are very turbulent right now. I know that you will go to the Lord and will receive His wise counsel on what you must do.
I hope that you did call some friends tonight to help you through things just as Michelle mentioned to you.
Remember that Dan will pay more attention to the strong BBJ just as has always been the case. Right now he is not willing to meet you on a host of conditions that are must items for you. So it would seem pretty simple that there is just no room in your life for him right now. You will not compromise on the things that you need from him. I know you well enough to know that you are not going to back down.
I hope that things settled down a great deal for you on this night. I will pray fervently for His Spirit to enter into your heart, mind and body. And of course I will be praying for Dan and the kids.
Bbj, I went to bed early yesterday and missed what happened. I am sorry to say Dan is a selfish jerk. A week ago he was all "things dont work bla bla bla" and now, AFTER he realised he would lose his comfort he decides he wants to work on the marriage ? Did he ask you if you still want to?
What would you advise me or your sister if we told you this story? My gut feeling is to tell him "no,I am sorry too late, we go our separate ways and if in the future I see you have become a man then MAYBE I will reconsider" ... BUT, I know it's easier said than done. So, although I fear that you are signing up for a repetition of this crap, stay strong and do your best to protect your heart... love always K
Keep being amazing! Be guided by our loving and caring God. He is your rock and will always keep you standing when you need it.
I know it is incredibly hard but you can not make yourself available to Dan's incredible and selfish neediness now. Politely and firmly let him know that you need time to yourself to breathe and to heal. He is an enormous distraction and an obstacle to your being able to do that.
He is going to have to stand on his own two feet. As my darling likes to say, he is a "biggie boy" and he is going to have to find his own way.
All of us here refuse to let you be ground down to a pile of dust from having to appease and cajole him and hold his hand through everything.
The only allowable dialogue between the two of you should be just co-parenting matters. Stick to that planning calendar. Stick to your boundaries.
The blessings of the Lord are right under your nose. I am praying for you all. Keep moving and praying.
Thanks, all. I am doing my best. Today is about the kids, I am focusing on them. We are going to go and play with their cousins after breakfast. I just want them to have a nice day.
Let yourself have a good time too BBJ. Last year when things with my H were at their worst, I found being with my family made me feel so much better. One thing I let him do was put distance (physical and emotional) between my family and me. Don't know if Dan did that, but I know he had a different view on family than you so I would guess he did. Use this time to reconnect with your family and friends. It will help you feel better and get through the holidays.
Love ya, Lizzy
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
