Glam where's your thread? I mean, what's he so mad about with you? Generic bitchiness about his cheating or being gone too much, etc? Or an A on your end? I'm just trying to catch up to your sitch and what kind of stuff he's hanging onto.
I am not completely getting your comments to your mil. I mean, if you are discussing the A with her, that doesn't really help you if your goal is recon. It just gives your h more of a reason to defend his choices and I've found that the more people who know of the A, the harder it is for the LBSer to come back. He feels it's too much to overcome, that he'll never have the right to be angry about anything later on, b/c of the damage done in his past. In a way that's true. I mean, the cheater ends up thinking he has to eat so much crow, that it isn't worth it.
It's your job to show that by lightening up big time, and backing off. So what if you don't know where he is? Maybe he's shopping or wants to feel UNtied down. It's crappy at this time of year, I know. And no one likes not getting their calls answered. But have you plagued him with texts, etc? I think most couples who are trying to recon (and I don't know your sitch fully) after an A, know that the one who strayed does have to make some changes to re-assure the spouse of their commitment and fidelity. Answering a phone is one thing most agree is a priority but again, what's the sitch with his work and your history?
Somehow, forgive me if I'm wrong, I get the feeling you are someone who analyzes a lot and maybe creates some of her own problems. Paralysis by analysis?
And you mention things that sound like a lot of score keeping too. Have you spoken with a DB coach? I went to 4 counselors with h and without. It was a DB coach who opened my eyes to what I could actually do and who's advice helped keep my M together. I cannot say all our problems are solved by any means, but I thought for sure we'd be divorced long ago. Lose the score card. It won't be even and what's worse, is that no matter what happens, you two will NOT agree on your marital history. He won't see things your way.
What matters is how you two see your future. Let go of the rest as best you can. Show him the way. God bless. J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
