Kristi, If it helps, my W filed divorce back in April 07, and dismissed it in 9/08. She filed a 3 month continuance I think 7 times. I think D helps W/H feel like they are in control or something, and if you can force yourself to detach, you take away that control. I'm not an expert, but I can see many times where detachment did me well - I could've done MUCH better!
There will be MAJOR ups and downs - best advice someone gave me about a month ago was this: "Things will get worse before they get better." Once I wrapped my brain around that, I stopped jumping up on every nice thing W said, and stopped dropping like a rock on every unkind thing W said. I'm an eternal optimist, and I do not believe in pessimism, but I needed a touch of reality.
Take it from me - I went 2.5 years back and forth, W wanted to stay, and then leave, and then stay, etc. I'll tell you: most of the reason we aren't together today was me temperature taking and pushing. If I could have let things go for 3 months, I probably wouldn't be on this forum. I would have missed all the wonderful people, though, but I'm sure they'd understand... Two and a half years later, by NOT detaching, I've accomplished pretty much nothing, except to make the situation worse.
P.S. For whatever that's worth, in 3 days, I will be missing my first Christmas with D8 and S6. Hate every minute of it - but you know, I'm going to do this right. If I can do it right, this might become a bad memory, and maybe I can turn it into a good lesson for my kids and their marriages.
