Divorced, but 'still hopeful' to reconcile.

[still hopeful]

Hello Phoenix,

Thank you for reading through my thread. I agree that dropping the "she's punishing me"-type stuff is best.

It does hurt to hear that she may not think about me in one way or the other, but supposing that were true, moving on would be easier.

I agree that the best with you, in that, I have already learned that the best way to mentally catalog an interaction with her, either good or bad, is to simply attribute it to being what it objectively is; either a good or bad interaction based on what actually happened. I generally KNOW what she is thinking, where her head is, where her heart is, and where her values are by watching her.

I am the first one to admit that I am not good at mind reading. Whenever I mind read others, I generally imagine it all MUCH worse than the reality. I don't think I've ever mind read anything positive; always negative.

I got your point about ex-girlfriends. I am guilty of feeling too self-important. It makes sense that, most likely, her actions and her feelings have absolutely nothing to do with me. I got it. Thank you. Obviously, I am still learning to deal with the loss. I believe, one way or another, healing comes.

Nothing in particular you do or say at this point will suddenly cause your wife to return. How about for the next month you just focus on living your own life and have an, "if it happens, it happens" approach to your wife. Guess what? It's okay to let her go.

I agree with you here, whole heartedly. She is her own person and has her own free will to do as she wishes. The only real power I have is over myself; to NOT push her further away; to keep the door to reconciliation in my heart and mind ajar so that if she does choose to explore that option, I will still be open to it. I will focus on living MY life for the next month and have an, "if it happens, it happens" approach to my XW.

And yes, I know it's OK to let her go. I just don't believe that time has arrived yet.

Thanks again for your time, your kindness, and your perspective. I appreciate what you have selflessly given to me.

Tom