My H has only a slight drinking problem but he definitely needs it to relax. He doesn't drink until he drops but he does depend on it and thinks it's the only thing that can relax him. He won't exercise or meditate or pray or read or anything after work because he is too tired so drinking is his natural crutch. It's a huge hurdle to do db without the drinking problem but sounds like he is avoiding his problems by drowning in his sorrows. I don't know your H personally but I can only suspect that he is going thru some depression issues BEFORE he started drinking again and drinking was his way of dealing with his pain, i.e. numbing and forgetting it. NOw he has found someone who 'understands' him and his drinking. A total enabler who will help him do what 'feels good'. What he doesn't realize is that his problems still exists and his drinking and this other person won't make his pain go away. There's not much you can do. You can talk till you are blue in the face but he won't listen. He has to learn his lessons himself.
Regarding the issues of turning them into the company. My H is also dating his direct report. My take of my own situation is, what do I gain if I do this? My H might lose his job, in which case I lose financial support and my home and security for my kids. I gain my H's wrath and he will NEVER forgive me for taking his way his job (he won't see it as him doing this to himself, he will see it as me doing something to him). If he NEVER forgives me then there is NO CHANCE of reconciliation. Right now I still hope.
So if you want to give your marriage a chance, I would say, don't do anything to your H. If you don't love him anymore and is full of hate for him then you have nothing to lose. Don't sabotage your own future reconciliation by doing anything hateful now. Two wrongs don't make a right. Sooner or later their A will fizzle out, I promise you. Theirs is no 'great love'. They are both in escape mode, escaping pain. It won't last, you don't need to do anything to end the A, it will definitely fizzle out on its own. It will take way too long for your patience but it will die. Don't give him ammunition to HATE you and resent you more. Your friends want you to stop hurting right now but you know what, you putting their jobs at risk WILL NOT give you happiness. Momentary feeling of triumph, yes, but not True peace of mind or respect for yourself in the long run. I think you know what is right and wrong. The question is can you live with yourself or not? No one else matters, Hope, you need to live with yourself for the rest of your life.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
