What Jeff says. You need to have some leverage otherwise he is going to remain in the status quo. The lawyer should give you a plan. I know you dont want to file, but it may need to come to that if you are to move on with a happy life.
Have you separated enough money into a personal account yet? Cancel shared credit cards and start your own. Get as much shared things split up now.
The lawyer can also help you to determine what is best for the kids. It sounds to me like Dan's work is a problem for him to have 50%.
