I am not sure how I feel about the gifts. On one hand I can use the financial help....and on the other hand, how can I find time to shop for our kids when he can't. I also don't think H knows our kids. Even though d13 made a list, he doesn't know her like I do and know what to weed out. He was thinking of giving s16 money....but I know s16 prefers gifts to be picked out. He has plenty of money from working. If he does give me the money for what I bought there are a few more things I can pick up....and if not, it is not the end of the world.
So, H was by on Saturay and told me he would talk to me about it. He said it was up to me. If he brings it up again, I, however, will let him decide. He said he never made decisions in the marriage and he still passes the buck to me to decide. Last year I told myself no more....he is a big boy and he can make decisions. Look how great his decision to leave was. S16 not speaking to him, financials a mess, and so on.
He once again was quiet on saturday. Did a lot of texting on his phone and abruptly left. He didn't come to d13's meet on sunday as he called her to say he had to work. She said she didn't care.
H brought a tree by saturday. Left it for us to decorate but we have not had time with swim meets and work. Maybe tomorrow. He has not mentioned the holiday and where we will be spending it. I know he will not be at Christmas eve so that is not an issue....and I wonder what he will do about Christmas day. Should be interesting.
I am off for 2 weeks starting monday and can't wait. I will take time to straighten the house a bit for the sale. Not sure when the house will be on the market, but I will do the bare minimum to help as H is doing nothing. I will de-clutter and clean....and that is it.
H is having his medical procedure the first week of jan. I still don't know what for....and have not asked. I will sit back and wait for the info to fall into my lap. I
I have to say, over the past few weeks it has been easier to not think of H. He is lost ....and I think he will be lost forever. Can't come home as it would admit he was wrong. I think to him it is easier to keep running to MOW than it is to fix things.
Anyway, off to take d13 to practice and then pick up a few things I need for christmas. Almost done with my shopping and if I have to say so myself I was quite a great bargain shopper. Nothing better than a good deal.
Take care Snodderly. Thank you for always being there for me.
A, I'll be off the same two weeks, so I'll be here if you need to chat.
You sound good and detached a bit more. As for your h, he really is a lost soul. You've always been the one to take care of everything and he's still looking for you to do so. It's the "mother role". They just can't seem to get their acts together and learn how to cope on their own (in a good way). My xh is the same way.
Hopefully your h will give you some money and you can then purchase the gifts for your children. After all, you know them better than he does these days.
Do try to get some rest over the holidays. I know it's going to be a stressful time for you, but you do need to carve out a bit of time for yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wow....what an interesting day. I don't know what to think. D13 and I went out shopping. She was hungry for lunch and chose a place that H likes. I told her (since she had not seen him in a few days) that if she wanted to call him to join us that it would be ok with me. She did ....and of course he came.
He arrived (hair dyed a new shade....gotta get those greys out) and looking down in the dumps. We ate and made small talk and a few times he just stared out into space. The dramatic affect...for me.
Anyway, when we left he said to me that he sent me a tm while at the restaurant and to read it when I got to the car. It asked me to call him when i was not with d13. Well she and I were out shopping for hours (it was so crowded....due to the snow storm yesterday) when I got home I tm'd him instead of calling since he was at work.
I told him to call me when he could or after work. Well he tm'd me instead. He said he got some test results from the dr. and they were not . He needs to see a specialist and asked if I could keep him on my insurance.
Well of course I told him I would. He offered to pay the difference....and I will make sure he does. But in the back of my mind I can't help but think this is B.S. just to keep him covered for a while. I guess that I am getting so accustomed to the lies that I don't know if H is capable of telling the truth.
He just tm'd me telling me that he was sorry he had to ask. How he hated to have to ask and that if I wanted him to figure something else out he would. UGH. Such drama.
Anyway, I don't know what is wrong with H. He didn't say. I also don't know if he realizes that my company will not keep him covered if we are D. We have a self-funded plan and it has a policy.
So, I totally don't know what to believe. My insurance is good enough for him but I am not. Part of me wants to just tell him a piece of my mind and to go figure it out with MOW....and another part of me is sympathetic......UGH.
So Snodderly, "mom" to the rescue again. He can't seem to cut those apron strings.
A, Do you get a statement from your insurance company whenever tests are done? The clue as to what is wrong w/him may be in the statements that come next month.
At some point, you are going to have to advise him that once you are divorced, you will not be allowed to carry him on your plan. He needs to know this as soon as possible. This is a consequence of his actions.
He's still deep in the depression. Changing hair colors just to try to make himself feel better. I'm sure that whatever is going on w/him is weighing heavily on him. He's hoping that you'll ask what is wrong w/him.
Yep, you hit it on the nail head....can't cut the apron strings.
I do hope that you and your family will have a pleasant Christmas. Enjoy the time you spend w/your family.
Merry Christmas! I do hope the new year will be a brighter and more promising one for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly: Your right I should be getting a statement from insurance company...if he is telling the truth. I know that it is wrong to doubt...but my H has turned into quite the liar the past 3 years and the timing of all this....right before I was going to cut him off.
He did call me yesterday to thank me over the phone again. I asked if it was his stomach, as he always has issues with his stomach, and he said that it was something with his blood. He did not elaborate. He is having a procedure the first week of January and then will need to see a speacialist in Feb.
H asked last week if the gifts could be from both of us. I told him it was ok...and we will settle up after. Today he called me 3 times while he was out shopping for them. 3 unnecessary calls as we had already discussed what he was getting yesterday. Anyway, it is strange. As soon as I open the door a crack (letting him stay on insurance).....he calls me more in 3 days than he has in 3 months.
Do you really think he is still in depression? From what I have stumbled across the amount of money he has been spending in hotels this last 6 weeks with mow is astronomical. I know I shouldn't let it bother me.....but it does.
Snodderly, I have told H several times that if he divorces me that is it. He is off the insurance. I think that is why he is dragging his feet. I feel so used. Good for something....my insurance. It is such a rotten feeling. It makes me angry...which distracts me from detaching. Does that make sense?
Anyway, today was my last day of work til Jan 5 and I am thrilled. The kids are off tomorrow and are so cute...plotting a shopping trip to buy me something. I have to say H may have MOW....but I know I have the love and respect of both of my children. I wouldn't trade that for the world.
Merry Christmas Snodderly. God bless you and your family.
A, Yes, your h is still in depression. He's running from himself and his issues. The hotels say it all. As for his health, well...let's wait and see what is going on w/that. They do tend to lie quite a bit and he's not the only one.
Do what you must to get through the holidays and make them cheerful and happy for your children. Your h so desperately wants to be a part of your life, but he doesn't know how to get it right. He's like a gerbil on that wheel that goes round and round and doesn't know how to get off of it. Unfortunately, you can't help him, but I do think his health is getting the best of him.
Yes, you have the best of this world, i.e., the love and respect of your children. Your h really has nothing right now, not even the MOW will fill the bill for him.
Merry Christmas to you too. I'll be here throughout the holiday if you need to talk.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
