Hope, I used to keep a gratitude journal. I need to get back to that.
I think I almost feel like I need to tell him after the holidays that you can't keep seeing me if you don't want to be with me I guess. I know my friends want me to Sh*t or get off the pot, You know New Year, New You, stuff. But I just don't know, like today, he was talking to a coworker about us not buying gifts for each other this year, so we can go to Arizona next month. This was something we talked about doing last year, and we have decided we want to still go.
He still makes comments to me that are weird I guess, he has always called me his old lady to his guy friends, and he still does, when he told me about talking to his coworker, H had said me and myold lady when he was referring to us. He has said it other times too, that his friend has said, are you and your old lady going to the casino tonight, and his friend is referring to me. Just is weird to me, H isn't living with me, but I am still his old lady. I never took offense to being called that,the way some do. My Grandpa always used to call my Grandma, Woman, I always hated it when I was younger in Middle school and High School, I was all about women's lib then! As much as you can be at that age, where you think you know it all! LOL. Anyway, H would call me Woman too, just joking because of Grandpa, but it has stuck.
I know all of this takes time, but I just want it over! I guess I worry that our trip to Arizona maybe one of the last things we do together.
It is all just this time of year, with the New Year coming I think.
