you know, I am thinking having the kids go with him is a bad idea. I don't think THEY should be there without YOU. I know your wanting to keep tabs on him, but I think you need to let that go. If he wants to have a secret R with her, he'll find a way, so having "bodyguards" I don't think is really the answer. I understand the boundary, but using the kids is just not sounding good to me.

I think you should use a boundary of him getting something legal started. I think I would say, "Are you comfortable with this arrangement with your son that OW has forced on you? What would you like for the arrangement to be? While I appreciate the fact that you are respecting my wish to take someone with you to OW's house, this can't be something that can continue. If you are interested in working on our M, then this arrangement that OW has control over needs to be changed. It is causing stress on all of us and it is detrimental to our relationship. I would love for you to file something legally so that you can take back some control. If not, I need to tell you that I will not be okay with this arrangement much longer."

that's just mho.

Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."