NLT, This time of year brings all of the memories back to the forefront of what we have lost. It's the "family time" of the year and that's why it hurts the most because your spouse was part of the family and now he/she is missing. N, it will get better in time. The pain will ease, but the scar will remain as a reminder of what has happened. In time, that reminder will become a dull reminder as well.
I'm glad to see that you made it to your parents safely and will be there for the holidays. You need to be w/family for now. It's important to be w/people who love and care about you. Your mother needed to talk about the situation because she doesn't understand why your h did what he did and the only way to put the pieces together is talk about them, at least for her. She may not realize just how painful it is for you to talk about it and maybe you need to carve out a bit of time to sit down w/her and just talk. Parents have a way of helping us through this if you will allow them to do so.
N, I do hope you have a Merry Christmas. May 2009 bring a new beginning and many surprises your way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
