Hi, everyone! Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I have read them again and again.
Today is an exhausting day. Everything, including breathing, makes me tired. I went into work really late today - and I only did that after pep-talking myself into refusing to allow my stupid H to ruin my career. I think I'm going to leave early as well. Just don't have it in me to make it through today.
I need to respond to everyone. You are all so wonderful and so good to me. I am just so tired. Mental capacity is low right now. I spent the morning wallowing and feeling guilty. I felt terrible about the call last evening - it was pointless and set me back and it accomplished NOTHING. This is why I have to keep reminding myself that giving into the anger is pointless. The euphoria of "getting it off my chest" never lasts for long.
Then, as I was leaving to go to work, I flipped through some mail and found one on my stupid H's credit card statements. And so I opened it. I confirmed what I already had suspected - when he'd come home to "work it out", he was seeing that b****. He ate lunch at her restaurant on our f***ing anniversary. What really kills me is that he spent $22.50 at a po-dunk s***hole dive, so how did he spend that much. He must have tipped her well, that slut.
I then spent the drive into work blasting Marilyn Manson and fantasizing about confronting the OW at her stank little restaurant. Thoughts of wearing all of the most expensive things I own and stomping in with my girls made me cackle in the car. Yeah, I cackled. I really, truly want to make that b****'s life Hell. I know everyone is going to say I should be making my stupid H's life Hell - and believe me, I dream of it - but right now, it's this pathetic little b**** that is pissing me off. I dream of going there for lunch with my girl's and relishing the look of terror on my H's face. I imagine yanking those cheap-a** earrings out of her ears. I imagine asking her my very favorite question, which would be, "How do you like f***ing my sloppy seconds?" In my dream world, I then get up and throw $200 down on that table, telling her that she should use that money to fix herself up as my H is not used to f***ing cheap whores.
Oh, if only. It would be SO easy.
In any case, just thinking of my H right now disgusts me. I can't believe I married such a pathetic creep. Seriously, all I want right now is to destroy him.
I have information for two really good Private Investigators in the area. I am very seriously considering hiring one of them to follow my H and the skank so that I can get some good dirt. That way if he tries to get alimony, I will be able to provide proof of infidelity to counter it. And besides, it might be fun to file a fault D on the grounds of adultery and try to seek alimony from HIM. Don't think I'd get it, but hey. I wish Georgia was one of the states where you could sue the OW because I would totally do it.
I'm on the fence about the Private Investigator thing. I don't know if I should really consider spending any money on it, but right now it feels like the only way that I'll get the info I really want so I can face the whole thing and move on.
