Making my own good karma!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, ((GG)), for your warm encouragement. It is very much appreciated today.

I got a call from my boss today (I am home from work snowed in) that a co-worker of mine committed suicide this past weekend. He was our IT director, and he came in the office sometime over the weekend and put a bag over his head. One of our other employees found him on the floor of their shared office this morning when he came in to work. This man was not someone I liked very much. He was always a pain to work with actually. Often treated people very condescendingly, especially women. I had several run-ins with him over the years. But, it was sort of a joke that when you get him out of the office environment, like at company parties, he was actually fun! He has a beautiful 2 year old son who has more personality than any kid I've ever seen (and I've seen a lot!). When he brought his boy into the office you could tell that that boy adored his dad and the feeling was mutual. My boss, who spent time with this man and his wife socially, says that there was tension at home and his wife was always pushing him to make more money and such. They had just finished moving into their dream home that they built on Mercer Island. It's all so very very sad!!

I called my H with this news. H was very sweet and supportive. I told him I didn't know why this was hitting me so bad, when it's not like he was such a close friend or anything. H, who is often very un-emotional about things like this, was actually very sympathetic. I told him that I had had a lot of depression lately, and even had suicidal thoughts, but I always knew that this was just the symptoms of depression and that it would pass and that I could never really consider doing it. H said he was very glad that I would never consider it, and that it was just the emotion in the moment as we go through this difficult stuff. I thanked him for being there for me and listening and he said "No trouble at all, Babe." That's the first time that he's called me "Babe" in quite a while.

I wanted so much to tell him that I love him. But I didn't.....