You are so right. I absolutely hate reading your posts!!! But they make so much sense and I know you are right. I hate to admit it, but I know you are right. As I was reading your post my H called me. He wanted to know what I wanted to do for dinner. I just said it was up to him and if he was busy we didn't have to do anything. He said, no I want to go out with you, I just don't want to argue with you at all. He said if you think we can go and have dinner and not have to talk about stuff I want to do it, but if it is going to be too "heavy" then I don't think it is a good idea....translation to me..NO R talk!!!!!!
I said okay did you want the kids to come along, and he said. It doesn't matter, I don't mind going out with just you, but like I said I am afraid of arguing and I don't want to do that right now....So as of now he is coming to pick up our D and take her to therapy and then we are going to go out to dinner. As I was reading this I was thinking I should probably not go but I didn't know how to say that and make myself look like I am all over the place again. First saying okay to dinner earlier and then not now. So I just said fine.
As far as my post before with the letter and dropping the rope I really felt good that week. I felt like I was moving on and doing things. I wish I could get those feelings back. I still feel like I am moving forward (ever so slowly). I finally admit to people we are getting divorced. I am looking at selling the house. I am starting to think of what my life will be like next year, w/o my H around. But I do love him. I do believe it is still a mistake.
Sandi you are right, he is detaching from me. And my FEAR is that if I deatach also then there will be nothing left of us. We will not find a way back to each other. I am trying not to let the D scare me to thinking that means "end all". I know we will still have a relationship of some sort.
I will join you in making a New Years Resolution. I do think I will try to go for a week w/o contact. I have done that and then when he doesn't contact me I start to feel like he forgets about me and so I then have to remind him that I am still here so I call or text.
It is comforting to know others know exactly how I feel. At the same time I feel so sad, because I know how much pain I am in and I wouldn't wish this on anyone and to know there are so many more out there going through this just kills me. It is so great to have them to lean on and talk to and I guess that is why God led me to this site. I really don't know where I would be without the help of you wonderful ladies..and men!!
As hard as it is and I believe it is just harder because of the holidays right now. It will be our first without each other in 12 years and that is hard to comprehend. Thanksgiving sucked and our Anniversary sucked but I know I got through them and this is just another day and I have to get through this too.
I am just happy I finally got out and bought a few gifts for my kids!! At least I feel like I accomplished something today. Now if I could just get to the grocery store...we have no food!!!
