Partner left after 9 years - now what?

[Jimbo]

Cyrena- Your total number of postings value masks your wisdom very well!

I agree with Cyrena here. When I was still in contact with my W, she instructed me that when I emailed her, I was to email her to a yahoo address instead of her work email. Why? Because her OM is the network manager at her work, and could potentially snoop in her email! Of course, that is not the reason SHE gave, but it's so transparent that it's ridiculous! She wants to have the best of both worlds, and have the best chance to keep both men in the dark as much as possible.

She was still making overtures at D, so I decided to go dark to show her what her chosen future would be like. (We have no kids, so I had absolutely nothing to lose.) After 1 and 1/2 months, still no contact, and still no divorce papers! And do you know what? I've been able to lovingly detach. I don't devote anywhere NEAR the time I did to worrying, moping, fearing, etc, etc, etc. I never realized just how draining it was to me, and how much it had really taken over my life until I removed myself from the sitch, and was able to look at it from the outside, instead of from "in the trenches". And it's much, much better out here. I find that I have more time and energy to focus on ME and what I want out of MY life, so that when the time comes, I will be more confident about those things, and about me in general.

And that alone in a person is exceedingly attractive in itself.

Now I'm not advocating or decrying the benefits or liabilities of darkness here. My whole point is that you need to take care of YOU first. And by doing that, you are indirectly working on your R!