Hoosz, Thanks for looking in on my thread. I've been following yours right along and I know from experience what it is like to be married to a selfish narcissist. Your H doesn't seem to realize that he is in the process of ruining his relationship with his daughter by his actions. All of his deception is going to catch up with him before long.
Good for you for going back to your church, although you knew it would be difficult. It sounds as if the community overcomes the toxicity of the atmosphere created by the staff who forced you out.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
I have followed you as well--but I have been a bit too discouraged of late to do much replying. I'm sorry--I've been having a big pity party and it's no good for much of anything.
The community at my parish is great. Many of them know of the toxicity, most don't. And that is as it should be--they need to trust and believe in those who are there to serve them. Since I was dealing both with the job ending and my husband leaving, and trying to keep going, I don't think I really was able to grieve the loss that I experienced with the parish. And nothing besides just being away from it was going to help. I was thinking about finding another parish, but D is so involved in the current one that it wouldn't be fair to her really.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hoosz, I know that you want to keep as much stability in your D's life as possible so moving is out of the question. I just wish there were a way that you both could get "out of Dodge" for a while. Leave H to his own devices. Perhaps there is a camp where you both could work during the summer?
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
that's not a bad idea, really. I've been a camp nurse before (over 30 years ago!) And getting outta Dodge sounds delightful. I seriously need to GAL--just haven't had the resources or the emotional energy to deal with it recently. But I'm feeling a little more like myself the past few days.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
Not much to contribute, except to say that school principal is such a coward. Anyway, wishing you a Merry, Joyful and Spiritually Fulfilling Christmas. Also, a Happy, Prosperous and many questions answered New Year.
Take care of yourself.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I wanted to let you know that I received Christmas cards--with photos--from both bil's/sil's. No personal notes--but what could they say? They just came yesterday (just now got the mail)and I certainly wasn't expecting them. And they were addressed to D and me.
One line in the annual Christmas letter from my St. Louis in-laws made me tear up. They're celebrating their 30th anniversary this year--she got married 6 months out of high school. They're millionaires now, have been quite well off as long as I've known them. I know the early years were rough financially, tho. She reflected that their children are mostly grown (the youngest is a junior in HS) and so they spend a lot of time as a couple--and they still enjoy each other. I could go on and on--she's one of the most negative people I've ever met, they are world travellers and have money to do whatever they want whenever they want, she has the time and resources to have several hobbies and diversions because she hasn't had to work in 20 years. However, I have to admit they are still in love, they have always made couple time, they still hold hands. The other bil-sil also show each other affection when we're all together, they're also quite well off. For years it's made me sad that at family gatherings, H is always in a different room from me, rarely makes contact, just falls back into his youngest-son-take-care-of-me routine. I always feel isolated and--sad. If I went to sit with him, it was fine, but he'd eventually leave and go elsewhere. Maybe I was just more sensitive to it.
But we've always struggled--first just to be together, then with baby losses, always financially until fairly recently, often with me working nights. I wonder if the other brothers and their wives are there today looking at D and H and thanking God for giving them their families, their relationships, their many blessings--and thinking it's not surprising that we're not together.
I know, I know--this thinking isn't getting me anywhere. Envy isn't an attractive thing. It's just that I've felt this for several years--wanting their kind of relationships but having no idea how to do it. Is it really just me--if the other brothers can be successful, happy, and non-dysfunctional, did H just need a different partner to do so?
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
