It's been almost 6 months since I confronted my W about her affair with OM. [See thread this forum. W is Ambivalent ] Three times she "broke it off" to let him "move on", but each time she quickly re-initiated contact with him, particularly when she thought he was actually moving on without her. She doesn't know that I know they have been meeting again, and that she is still declaring her eternal love for him.
Meanwhile she is "making nice" to me, like we are a loving, recovering couple, [sex included, FYI], and tells me that I am doing "everything right" [to show her that I can be the thoughtful man she desires, I believe.] My anti-depressants are working pretty well, so I have been burying things for the holidays, as I suspect she is also doing. She want us to re-start couples therapy in the new year, but I don't believe it is all sincere to recover "us". There are some old financial issues we have that I suspect she will bring up for me to "fix" to "save our marriage".
My question to the forum is that I am considering LRT, but not sure if, when or how to jump to it, particularly because she is presently making nice. Before starting couples therapy again? During? Or hold off and keep monitoring the situation while it all "plays out"? Can I do LRT without revealing to her how I know the affair is continuing? I don't want to lose the power of knowledge of the "real" situation.
I must confess that I am losing my DB resolve. I love my wife enough to work on things, and I want to avoid the fight we would have over our home, and our children need another year and a half to get to a "stable place" in their lives. Maybe I can at least stretch it??
Any and all comments are welcomed! I need feedback and support (or criticism). -------------------------------------------------------------- H49, W49, M22yrs, D22, S17. 7/2008: discovered W's EA. 8/2008: disclosed my knowledge of EA to W. 8/2008 to 12/2008: W is ambivalent (cannot decide between our marriage or OM [old boyfriend, "true love of her life"]), stopped MC because W was not 100% committed to marriage; W just completed individual counseling "to discover what she really wants".
I've been in your shoes bro..I tried to remain calm and quiet in the face of an A by my W. Had sex, acted normal..all that crap just to try and save the marriage.
You know what I got?
I got a beat up self-esteem for allowing my self to get used. I got treated to more OMs. I got the bomb dropped on me anyway.
If you have proof the A is going on; you need to confront to save yourself. It will only damage you emotionally and mentally in the end if you don't.
