Now, having said all that I did in a previous post. I want to tell everyone a little story. I've wanted to share this with you Bobbi because you've been so torn as to what to in regards to the kids and the holidays. Sorry for the hi-jack.

My parents divorced when I was 7. My older brother and sister were not at home anymore. It was just myself and my 5 yr old brother. My dad was given custody in a state that until that time had given custoy to a father 1 time in history. Yes 1 time. My parents decided jointly that my dad would have physical custody because my mother had gone back to school, and my dad had a good job. It still took them a year to get the judge in this state to grant my dad custody. He didn't feel it was natural.

Anyway, as much as my parents could not get along while married, they did their best after separating for my brother and I. (at least until my dad remarried. Whole 'nother story there) We spent every holiday with BOTH parents in the same house. Even after my dad's job transferred him to another state, my mom would come out and spend 2 weeks with us every Christmas. She stayed in our house. They did this for 6 yrs, until my dad remarried.

When I divorced the father of my children, I had this example I'd grown up with. I took it one step further, their dad still came and spent Christmas with us even after I remarried. No matter how I felt about their dad, he was their dad. His parents spent many a christmas with us as well. My husband actually loves my xh's parents almost as much as me.

My children never had mixed ideas about mom and dad. The boys have told me how much they appreciate the effort I put in for them. They also know there isn't anyway I could stay married to their dad.

I grew up in an extended family that didn't cut people off just because they were not the "X". At our family reunion last year, my cousin's xh and her new husband were there. It was great to see her xh because he'd been a big part of my childhood. My H, once he got past the shock, thought this was great.

Now I know these situations do not work for everyone. I guess what I'm trying to say is you have to do what you feel is best for the kids. It can't be because you want to teach Dan a lesson or show him what it's going to be like without his family. This isn't the time to do that. This is a time for family and Dan is their family as much as you are.

(((BJ))) I am sorry you're going through this again this year. Please take the story I shared with the spirit it was meant. It may not work for you, but I wanted you to know that you aren't necessarily making the wrong decision with the kids and the family time.