I think one of the reasons DBing suggests "no relationship talks" is that as long as they're in MLC, you can be sure you're going to be getting lies. They lie to their partners about the OW and make out that she is not a terribly significant person to them, they give accounts of their time that give the (false) impression that the OW wouldn't fit into their schedule. And you can be sure that they're also telling the OW that their partners were never satisfying in various ways, and implying that they've had little if no contact with them. It's part of the territory. And because the MLCer's mind is seratonin-starved and therefore not thinking straight, is it really worth trying to analyse their twisted logic? That way madness lies!
Another thing that is totally common in the MLCer is that they try to find a way to cling on to BOTH relationships. A depressed person finds it very difficult to make even the simplest decision, and so he hopes that by doing minimal work on both relationships, he won't have to give up either. Both the partner and the OW have something that he needs, and the only way he can see to get all his needs met is to "have his Kate and Edith too." My H told me that he felt the happiest during his MLC when he thought he'd found a way to keep his marriage AND his "friendship" with the OW--forever.
One day he will have to make a choice. But as long as you enable his vision that he can satisfy you with crumbs of attention, occasional "sweet" phonecalls, vague promises of talks and meetings, etc, he will not be motivated to change. And likely he's not far enough along in his journey to do so, yet. But, if he's got another 2 years to go, wouldn't you like to spend them being creative, confident, happy and content, rather than as half of a not-currently functioning relationship? That wouldn't mean you'd given up on the possibility of reconciling with him, just that you were able to put your OWN needs first.
