"What he was saying (I am paraphrasing) was that we tend to sugar coat things on these boards. we hold back a little. i do it, we all do it."
Sometimes it is not real clear when things are "sugar coated". You have to read everything with a grain of salt. You can generally get the idea behind what people are saying. You have to look more at the "tone" or the "voice inflections" to start to understand it.
"How can anyone in their right mind think they have a chance of reconciling under these circumstances....I mean seriously....this person (who i respect for his work ethic) would not even be able to take care of a pet (say a dog for instance) properly."
A semblance of a marriage occurred under these "conditions" so it is easy to see why it fell apart. I am sure that neither Kalni nor her H set out with the intention of getting this way.. but as time went on "something" caused this. He wanted more money or things. She wanted a bigger house.. or a better car. These are just examples.. there was a reason and some logic behind "Life" getting this way. Now 6-8 months ago Kalni was all for trying to work it out under these "conditions". The "conditions" are not perfect.. but people have come out with a better relationship.. in much worse "conditions". It's a stepping process.. just like everything else. The Bomb.. is the first step.. you think it is the worst thing ever. Then the OP decides to come back.. now it seems like all that stuff that comes along with that.. is the worst thing ever. We all learn.. by experiencing.. and looking back. Hopefully not repeating what we screwed up.
"It is obvious that he puts his work / career ahead of everything else in his life."
Does this fall too far outside of his LL? Would not a acts person act upon their Love. Basically they would do things to show their Love. The things that are important to you and your LL you will use on a day to day basis. You will most surely use them incorrectly at some point. When that happens.. you will apply logic to that and say.. I should try it harder.
We all get the LL wrong.. at some point in time. What is important to you.. is not viewed with the same importance by the OP.
I am of the opinion that you have to step outside of what is comfortable for you.. to make a change. You have to take that step because you want to.. not because "someone" is telling or asking you to. Here is where you get the term.. Make Yourself Happy. You have to be happy with the outcome of your choices.. no matter what the outcome is.
"I have made a commitment to try. It's just it aint that easy. Thoughts are torturing me. What ifs are making my every second hard. And I know I am not "right" to think of "what ifs" but I do. And I cant ignore myself..."
I have told you many times this would not be easy... I seem to remember you way back saying something about all the people in piecing and seeing how hard they "work" and if you really wanted that. So.. here you are. What if's.. usually show up when we have expectations.. and they are not met. What if.. he was doing everything right. Where would you be? What would you be doing? How would you be acting? DB would tell you to be just like that.. in the "situation" you find yourself in. I would too. You chose to try. Why did him not doing "something" bring you down. Just like before.. his choices are his.. you make yours.. let him make his. No one said you have to lay down and let him run over you. No one said he does not have to step up.
You are looking for him to do "something" and then get disappointed.
Lets take a example.. one of the people here that me and Bill have been posting to.. Ndsmhelp. He is waiting on those "words". He has every right to be waiting on those "words". But why do they become so important to hear? Me and Bill all along have been saying.. focus on the other stuff.
It still applies here in your "situation".. Don't let that "thing" that you think you need.. get too big. You will fight yourself on that. And it will make it ridiculously hard to "get away" from it.
The only thing that has changed here.. is you have said "I will try". Yet in saying that.. things have gone to crap. Why?
Now you can't answer that question.. with.. because he is not doing "X".
"Still, no romance, no passion, no man and woman interaction."
This.. sadly will have to take a bit of a back burner.. you two have not "fixed" the core of the issue yet. To me the communication is still not there. I know you are telling me.. you are being clear.. but something is being lost in the process. As John pointed out.. sometimes we "sugar coat" things.. and in doing that.. we make it hard to understand what we are saying. We do it in RL too. If we take.. Ndsmhelp.. and put him in your H's shoes.. we have your H posting over in Newbies. What if.. you H is looking for the words? Or maybe just the Acts? What if the Acts you are using.. are being read wrong by him? Do you see what I am getting at.. when I say be a "Leader"? God this is a hard concept to explain. I don't want you to bend over backwards till you break.. just a little bit left.. or a little bit right.. will sometimes shake things loose.
"We cant communicate. I am not sure he listens to me. I think he listens to me "nagging"... I must be doing something wrong because I cant get the message to him."
You can't communicate the way you are. That is for sure.. and I would bet money.. this is why you are "here" (DB.com). So stop communicating with your mouth. Try some acts. Or some gifts. Or some Physical stuff. (Not implying Sex)
I think about the date to the "singer".. and in your simple little description.. the tone of it showed some hope. In that simple little description.. there was something going on that made it feel "nice" to me. You said you both laughed. I suspect you were laughing about 2 different things. Yet you both were laughing.
You always.. start small.. reproduce that.. over and over.. it will build.. before long.. hopefully.. you will both be laughing at the same time.. about the same thing. Then...
"romance, passion, man and woman interaction"
Time will tell... it always does.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
