Get her one of those digital frames that will display all the "Family" photos and it keeps rotating thru each photo. Its acts a a reminder of what she is giving up.
Also if you decide not to give her a gift or you find out ahead of time that she isn't giving you on...or basically acting too wayward, then use it yourself at home!! Just a thought!!
As far as letting her visit on X-Mas day....I could go both ways. But I would just as a last family time for the kids and Family dart for her.
