H 34 left me on Jan 28th and got his own place Me 33 had no clue he was unhappy and devastated when he left. It caused a huge eye opener for me and I started analyzing things and started making changes in myself. From the day H left we talked about things.....about a month after he left I asked if there was a chance and he said yes that he still loved me and would be willing to work on things. March 7th or so....I started going out with friends and hanging out at the same club H was visiting...he felt I was checking up on him...things got bad after an argument and he took a girl home. She never left and was here for about 7 weeks. He said they were just friends she just needed a place to stay...was still telling me that he loved me and wanted me...still taking me out to lunch weekly...calling me everyday and infrequent emails. Beginning od May he said he loved me adn wanted to be with me...kicked out OW and we started back up. Since then he has lied to me about places he was going and people he would be with so that he could avoid fighting. He has worked 80 hours a week and we have had discussions about how we spent no time together and all. He would take his kids with him places when he ahd to work, but not me or my kids...we argued about that. He said he can't stop lying and can't live with the fact that I feel he treats us different.....with me checking up on him so he is quitting.....says he doesn't have the energy anymore. I was devastated and told him I had changed...was continuing to change and could he please just give it one more chance....he said no. He locks his emotions away and doesn't allow himself to feel them so while I am dying inside he feels nothing. So....we are at a friendship....he agrees with that for now. He does not say that he will never want to be with me again in the future....just that he doesn't know so we will be friends. I told him that maybe we needed to walk....that all we had done in this relationship was run and maybe it was time to walk....build a friendship and see what happens. Please tell me I can do this!! I am so heartbroken and just want to crawl in a hole and never come out. He means the world to me and I just don't know how I will survive without him....you guys will be seeing alot of me on here....everytime I want to call him I will either call a friend or post so...I am depressed....the other day I wanted to die so I took my sleeping pills and such to a friends house to leave them. I know in my head that I can survive , but my heart isn't listening right now. Is there still hope? What do I do now??
I wrote this over the weekend...
Oh , what can I do? What can I say? To keep my Love from slipping away?
My heart is aching and My knees are weak As the tears keep rolling down my cheeks.
I thought our troubles were seeing their end And we could finally start over again.
I had so much hope inside my heart and Never did I expect it to stop.
My heart feels empty, heavy, and dead. And I can’t keep thoughts of you from my head.
Your laugh and how it reaches your eyes. How can I not cry while I wait for you to say good bye?
Your arms holding me close by your side. How I wish I you would hold me now.
I wish I knew just what to do To prove the love I feel for you.
I wish I knew just what to say That would keep you from turning me away.
I wish and wish and wish away For any thought or action that Will convince you to stay.
All I do or don’t do will not help to change your mind As I have already seen the signs.
I Love You so much and wish it could be If only you could truly Love me.
I will always be asking myself….
What can I do? What can I say? To bring my Love back to stay?
