aliens undercover: married to the pod

[hoosiermama]

I keep waiting for this to lock up....and I really don't have a good title for another thread waiting.

As it turns out, H was at the concert, discussed at least the early parts with me. But was indeed in a hurry to leave and didn't want to fight the crowd to get out. Guess he had a hot date. D12 speculated (on her own initiative) that he didn't want to see the other families.

It was a fabulous concert. Seeing several hundred very talented children singing together, with beautiful Christmas music, an incredible organ, harp and horn ensemble--wow, what could be better? As I sat by myself, I remembered previous concerts where H and I were there together, and I remembered almost always feeling hurt and angry at him while sitting there. And while I didn't so much enjoy sitting by myself, it was better than sitting with someone who had made me feel so small. And I knew that it will get better, either way--at some point I will no longer feel so alone. So at any rate, I probably enjoyed the concert more than any other I can recall. Heck, the mayor was there, and was tearful listening to the beautiful music--that's how lovely it was!

On a brighter note, I went to church yesterday at my parish for the first time since I left (except for a couple of funeral). D12 was an altar server, and I wanted her to fulfill her obligation. I've sort of tried to go before and not made it because of feeling suddenly sick! But this time it was okay. Folks were happy to see me. And while it was difficult to listen to the pastor's homily (at one point, mentioning that people were more important than buildings--which is something he has shown is NOT true for him over and over in the past year!) ultimately I left feeling I could come back and be part of the community. This is huge for me. After mass I was talking with some friends, and when the pastor could no longer avoid it he came over to say hello. I successfully avoided thanking him for his support and concern over the past months (not an email, call, card, or any contact at all to see how D and I are faring, altho he knows my situation). It will always be difficult for me to see him and the staff members who railroaded me out, but ultimately one doesn't belong to a community because of the pastor and staff, but because of the community. I've always known that, was just waiting to feel it strongly enough to be comfortable there again.