I sooo relate to your comments about believing in God, yet somehow not believing HE can fix your life or help you. I used to see God as the passive watch maker, hoping we'd live right and do right, so that someday we'd live with Him eternally. But HE IS available to us NOW, TODAY, if we but ask, and turn our burdens over to him. I read some of Marianne Williamson's books on Handling Fear and Return to Love, (new agey for some people, but wth?) and she also talks of forgiving and letting go of OUR pain by simply turning it over to One who CAN handle it for us, with us, and get us through it all. It's damn humbling.
I literally would cry in the shower and say out loud, like 100 times, "God, I turn over my pain/anger to you" or "turn this M over to you" , etc. and it DID help. Don't know if it's a miracle or some sort of self hypnosis==don't care. It helped.
Hope this helps. More later, we're with you...and you WILL get through this. I've seen a few women, and a guy or two, suffer like this only to live so much better later on.
You'll be happy again Frankd. Try really hard to do the things suggested here, embracing what you do have, like two healthy d's who love you and aren't in trouble themselves. I don't know what role alcohol has in your life now, so if this suggestion isn't healthy, ignore it. But I recall in college having a boyfriend break up and not shaking it off fast enough for my 21 y/o self. A gf suggested that I have a bottle of wine, light some candles and listen to really sad music and cry my eyes out. I did. Finally, one can only be sad for so long. I just got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I had "saddened" myself out. Know what I mean? You are getting there. You are already tired of feeling this bad for this long. You're turning the corner. Do what it takes. You only have one life. It's not a dress rehearsal. This is it.
Forgive me if you've seen this analogy before, but I love it. Look at your life as if it's a book you are reading. How is the book going? How do you think it'll end? Is the story going the way you want it to? WHO is writing the book of YOUR LIFE? Why don't YOU be the author of YOUR life and begin writing the next chapter, NOW... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Frank, I just want to reiterate what we discussed earlier.
It is OK to be sad about this.
It is OK to cry about this.
It is OK to feel the hurt.
It is OK to reflect and grieve the loss.
Everything you are feeling today is emotions that you need to process through. Not one of us is beyond feeling the pain and hurt my friend.
None of us has enough control to not hurt at the loss of what we thought was a lifetime commitment.
None of us has not spent at least one day feeling the way you feel today my friend.
I feel your pain, I know the tears that you are crying right now, and I also know that you will make it through this. Try hard not to fight it my friend, let it all out and do not believe for one minute that anyone will think any less of you for having these emotions.
Your a good man Frank and today especially, I am very proud of YOU......
sorry to interrupt/hijack, but I'm unable to do any searches to catch your other threads as it says, EACH time, that I have to wait and cannot do "another search at this time..." but I'm not doing "another" one. So, when I try to find your individual posts or threads, I cannot do so. I can only go to my own posts, replying, and if there's a lock, I'm stuck. I can't search your display name as I used to do to catch up. It ALWAYS says I'm doing "another search" at the same time, but I'm not. What gives? Sorry to ask a techie questions but I can't ask elsewhere...oops! j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Like I said, I hit my bottom in every way shape and form. Today I feel a little better than I did yesterday. I also have been seeing the effect of my emotional state on my daughters and it's hit me hard that I cannot let that bleed into their lives.
Today is another day of my new life. I'm going to keep saying "I give this to God" until I believe it.
Even though there is no school today, W showed up around 8:30 am. When I went into the kitchen she said "D13 called me because she's sick and she wanted me to come over and take care of her. She said you were still asleep. Is that ok?"
I said "If she called you then it's ok".
W: (annoyed) Well I didn't make it up! She did call me.
Me: I didn't say you made it up. I said if she called you then it's ok that you came over.
She went to the store to get some Ibuprofen and tissues and when she cam back she apologized for not calling me after D13 called her. Said it was disrespectful of her to assume she could come over.
I told her again, that if D13 called her then D13 is inviting her over and it's ok.
Thinking about stocking stuffers for the girls. Usually W does that, and I'm sure she will do that at 'her' house.
What do you get for a 13 and (almost) 18 year old girls to stuff in the stockings? I remember that we'd get little bottles of perfumes and stuff like that. Chap sticks. I don't know what else.
I'm not invalidating or dismissing any of the pain you are going through, what I am doing is, "I don't care." You're good at expressing it and have been for about a year.
What are you doing today to improve yourself?
Come one man, how effective is another book going to be if you cannot read a sentence? : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Frank, stocking stuffer ideas, how about I tunes gift card, if they have an ipod, or cd's.Think fun things,gloves, socks, etc.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
