Yes, let's continue to post to each other. I read alot of threads but it is useful to talk to people who have similar sitchs. I'll read your thread.
I see my h regularly to exchange the dogs. I think he respects and admires my dignity and I'm determined to hang on to that. There is genuine caring, but this woman is in his veins. And she has been for 4 years. The fact that he hardly knows her yet can only mean that, at least now, she is a projection of what he thinks he needs. What she will turn out to be, who knows?
His projection of her fits into the narcisstic tendency of the MLC because at least right now, she is all about him. She may become more than that as he gets to know her ... but it will take awhile.
I don't deal well with uncertainty. That's part of the reason why I've decided to start dating - to move forward in my own life as if this marriage is over. It won't be other people who keep my h and I apart if we truly want to be together. And I've decided I'm not filing for a divorce unless I want one. Otherwise he will have to take those steps. I won't oppose it.
And yes, I've wondered about who she is to be involved with a married man. Of course he told her that he had checked out of the marriage before he met her. Time will tell whether that narrative continues to feel authentic for him. It certainly frees her from any guilt that she contributed to a marriage breakdown. Yet they must both know at some level that as soon as he turned to her, he became unavailable to address any issues in our marriage. It's a flawed basis for them to begin a relationship together and when they encounter their own difficulties, as they inevitably will, it will form an interesting part of the background and context within which they learn about each other.
