H is still very distant and I will trying to keep busy and trying not to let his rejections affect me too much. Finally talked about Christmas, HE's coming over on Christmas Day and not on Christmas Eve. Told me he had to work, yeah, right. And I was born yesterday.
Anyway, no confrontation. Just trying to plan a good day for kids and I and he can do whatever he likes. I will not dwell on yet another disappointment and selfishness on his part. He has not considered his children's feelings and is putting himself first yet again. Boy I really hope his new life is really worth it and he is really happy because if not, all of our misery is for nothing. He wants his happiness at the cost of our happiness. Thanks very much. I sound a bit bitter today because it's the holidays I guess. I need to lower my expectations yet again and expect NOTHING.
He has run all over town buying presents for the kids to compensate for his behavior. NOT EVER has he bought birthdays or christmas presents for the kids. This is a first. So I know the guilt is eating him up and he is looking for ways to make it up for them. Why do people think that they can buy love with presents? I am so totally not that way. So it's hard for me to understand. I've explained to my H that our children loves quality time and if he loves them, that's what they need. But he'd rather spend Christmas Eve away from them and compensate with material things.
MIL is nervous about visit. She wonders if she will be introduced to OW. She thinks H doesn't know what he wants so he is doing everything that feels good at the moment and avoiding anything that is unpleasant. I told her that he knows she won't make a fuss at the meeting if he chooses to introduce her to his Mom. But she says that he really needs to clarify to himself and to her about OW and what she means to him. Good. I think he should have a proper think about it. Is she really his soulmate? If so, then I have lost and have nothing to say. If not, then he should really do a rethink of everything. I think her visit will bring some reality into his fantasyland. I have been an enabler, not making him confront any issues or any unpleasant decisions. Her visit is a natural catalyst of moving things forward and away from the stalemate which is his cake eating. He can't blame anything on me since I am not demanding anything from him. I am just living my life, enjoying my life. He needs to decide what he wants, who he is, what he wants to do and how he wants his Mom and his kids to see him. I am removing myself from the picture entirely. I refuse to be his scapegoat any longer.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
