In my experience it approaches 100%. Maybe 95%, with the other 5% usually actively LOOKING for someone else.
This is why I believe MLC should be treated primarily as an infidelity problem first. Until the OM/OW is out of the picture, there is really very little chance for any meaningful reconciliation, and even MCing isn't effective.
Puppy
There is very little chance of reconciliation, period. Remember this, people are not going to admit they have done wrong. Very few times does that actually happen. People who go through this would rather live miserable the rest of thier lives than admit to you, me, or anyone else that they did wrong.
Ain't that the truth! They'd rather wallow in misery than admit they were wrong. I used to tell that to my H early on. Although he still admits no wrong doing he does seem to be getting out of the wallowing misery pit very slowly.
One sitch where an OP has never surfaced is jeff223. I don't know if his XW was MLC or just WAW but the result was the same - she split.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Well, isn't it though! Sorry, that is what this crap is about. I just go on the facts, sometimes I'm not the most popular fellow on the board, but I believe in the truth and what I have said about this stuff is the truth. Rarely are marriages reconciled. I don't say it doesn't happen, it does, but its very, very, rare. Proof is in the pudding, or on the board in this case! Doesn't mean you can't go on and have a great life, just chances are it will be with someone else. Hope you are one of the lucky few!
BH, I think you are right, and I also think the odds of it happening depend on the betrayed spouse being able to step back, take a good look at things, accept responsibility for their part, and set realistic expectations for the other partner. In short, all the stuff that the popular culture does not encourage.
So, while the odds are not good in general, I think DBing can raise the odds. how much? Hmmmmm... Realistically... judging from the ratios on the forum.... not that much!
Wow, not to often you read the truth on these boards, but it is what it is,unfortunately. However the best thing is we have friends here for the journey. We learn or hopefully we do (most do) that we can move on and make happier lives and only we can make us happy. I have never believed the affair stats in how long they last etc, nor do I believe the OP is always the devil incarnate as they are painted. It helps us to believe that in the early stages. The biggest thing I have learnt is that there are no answers really but we survive the worst life throws at us and we move on and eventually treasure past times but know we have a future to make more memories just as happy. Take care and enjoy the festive season.
yes the odds are very high there is an OP!!...I think in many cases they are the devil incarnate I mean...jeeessshhhhh...WHAT kind of nice person gets involved with a married person and stays with them for months simetimes years while the wavering spouse stays married???? Nice people dont do that. needy, unstable dysfunctional people attract all sorts usually not nice caring ones either.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
They've done nothing wrong and they deserve to be happy.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
To post to your original question, somewhere on this website I once came across information from a Newman, I believe, who had a MLC and later ran a MLC website. He claimed that some incredibly high percentage of men in MLC claimed they didn't have an OW ... while 95% of wives were certain that they did. I know that my own H, although returned from the alien spaceship, and having broken off all contact with his OW 18 months ago, still rejects the term Emotional Affair. He would prefer to believe that only PA's exist--and those are had by morally reprehensible men. I daresay the men having PA's would argue EA's are the true affairs. And so statistics-gathering becomes very difficult!
