Finding my goodness and power

[25yearsmlc]

Oh Frankd,

I sooo relate to your comments about believing in God, yet somehow not believing HE can fix your life or help you. I used to see God as the passive watch maker, hoping we'd live right and do right, so that someday we'd live with Him eternally. But HE IS available to us NOW, TODAY, if we but ask, and turn our burdens over to him. I read some of Marianne Williamson's books on Handling Fear and Return to Love, (new agey for some people, but wth?) and she also talks of forgiving and letting go of OUR pain by simply turning it over to One who CAN handle it for us, with us, and get us through it all. It's damn humbling.

I literally would cry in the shower and say out loud, like 100 times, "God, I turn over my pain/anger to you" or "turn this M over to you" , etc. and it DID help. Don't know if it's a miracle or some sort of self hypnosis==don't care. It helped.

Hope this helps. More later, we're with you...and you WILL get through this. I've seen a few women, and a guy or two, suffer like this only to live so much better later on.

You'll be happy again Frankd. Try really hard to do the things suggested here, embracing what you do have, like two healthy d's who love you and aren't in trouble themselves. I don't know what role alcohol has in your life now, so if this suggestion isn't healthy, ignore it. But I recall in college having a boyfriend break up and not shaking it off fast enough for my 21 y/o self. A gf suggested that I have a bottle of wine, light some candles and listen to really sad music and cry my eyes out. I did. Finally, one can only be sad for so long. I just got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I had "saddened" myself out. Know what I mean? You are getting there. You are already tired of feeling this bad for this long. You're turning the corner. Do what it takes. You only have one life. It's not a dress rehearsal.
This is it.

Forgive me if you've seen this analogy before, but I love it. Look at your life as if it's a book you are reading. How is the book going? How do you think it'll end? Is the story going the way you want it to? WHO is writing the book of YOUR LIFE? Why don't YOU be the author of YOUR life and begin writing the next chapter, NOW...
j-