Today was a horrible day for me. Last night ended on a good note despite the horror of the morning. We enjoyed dinner and a movie together here at the house.
I think I'm a little bit further along in the process than you are, but I had this kind of thing really bad about a year ago. I'd have a good day and then a horrible, super depressed day. Rollercoaster emotions. That gets better with time. I mean yeah, we're going through a lot!
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I never seem to see her depressed, she just always acts so happy and light hearted. That hurts more than anything she intentionally does to me. Every time I hear her laughing and joking and singing it just cuts my heart in half.
Well, not that my H was laughing and joking and real happy last year, but I was seriously depressed. I think looking at us one year later, that my H seems kind of depressed usually and I'm prob. the happiest I've been in a long time. I've learned to take care of myself more and not just focus on the kids, spent time with friends, GALing, and worked on some of my weaknesses. I feel so much better about myself, and I think my H is kind of looking for others (well OW) to make him feel better. Don't think that will work in the long-run though as much as learning to make yourself happy.
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Both songs are very personal to me and both really link to my sit, so hearing them really hurt.
Well, I think one thing that almost all WAS have in common is self-absorption and self-interest. They don't think about your feelings or anyone's except themselves. Have to deal with that. I tend to expect the worst from my H, no expectations, etc.
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I had to escape to the spare room 3 times today to sob. She saw I was depressed, so after putting our D to bed she sort of stormed out with her usual attitude. I told her I wasn't mad, but sad, but she just said "ok whatever, I'm leaving so you can have your space." It's as if I'm not allowed to be sad.
I think it's fine to be sad sometimes, and I certainly have had my sad days! But I do think it's better to post here and vent here rather than be depressed around your W. I would just have those days where I would feel weaker and more down and finally learned to do stuff, GALing type stuff, so I wasn't around my H when I felt low, plus doing GALing and hanging out with friends actually would cheer me up and help me feel stronger so win-win. But when you feel sad, and sometimes friends & family don't want to hear it for long, this is a great place to post. You'll always find supportive friends here.
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Maybe I should be happy like she is. Maybe I should run around singing and dancing and joking and laughing.
Maybe. When I was depressed, I kind of was acting happy sometimes and not really happy, and I would sing, dance, joke, and laugh, and before I knew it--I actually was happy. Don't know if that would work for everyone though. And believe it I had lots of moments where I wasn't singing and dancing, but well I actually threw myself into a musical where I was singing and dancing and joking around, it really helped me become a happier person, but I'm sure you have to enjoy singing and dancing for that to work.
I've had those days and usually the next day is always a lot better. And if not, you can post here and gripe and moan and we can all relate!!! Hope you feel better tomorrow! Karen
Karen
