Seeing things for what they really are... #52

[redhottie]

Damn it!! It's the same question again and again. Do I settle? Do I base my future on wishes? Do I quit on the dream of being loved the way that would make me happy? Does he have these qualities to love me the way I need? Can I forget and fall for him again? Do I want too much? Is my romantic side awake now and messes with my ability to make rational choices? Am I fooling myself about how things should be? Will I ever be his again? Cant answer any of these questions.
All I know now is I feel I will never be same.
K

I had the same thoughts going through my head today. H has been much friendlier lately. He does things for me, calls, invites me to meals with him and the Ds. I don't know the reasons...I need to get up the courage and ask. At this point if he decides he isn't done, I don't know if I could try to save our marriage. The list of changes needed on his part has become so long....longer by the day. I don't want to settle either...where are the answers?

Conclusion : we are friends. Familiar with each other. Comfortable. Like brother and sister. He is nicer to me: calmer, tries to keep me "happy", and a few other things I have mentioned.
Still, no romance, no passion, no man and woman interaction. "THIS" marriage could/can go on forever. He would probably find another OW again in a few years and we would still be "friends". I would probably go back to my shopping therapy, painting silly stuff (I need to, cancelled so many orders the last few days), and writing a book I am preparing. And then maybe one day I will just walk away and never look back again...

My H would probably go to his grave as my H. What a wonderful marriage...not the way I want to spend the rest of my life. Let me know when you need some shopping therapy, it is my favorite form.

You know I love you and I'm with you even though I don't post much anymore.

Lizzy