Yes, I'm a mess. I want to 'control' the outcome of my life. I know that comes from my childhood with my abusive grandmother. In that life the 'rules' changed daily so no matter what I did, I was wrong.
Since then, I have believed that a woman would only stay with me if I 'controlled' the situation. So, I chose a woman to be my wife who actually WOULD only stay with me when I was in 'control'.
I've never let go of control.
Never.
I believe in God, I really do.
My problem is that I do not believe that God can control my life.
I am above God in that respect. I am in 'control'
But right now, it's not working out.
I'm struggling with this.
Please believe me when I say I am 'super genius'. I am. I learned to be one because of my environment.
So, how do I 'let go' of my W, and find my own path when my primary 'goal' is to use my 'SFG' abilities to 'fix' this?
I KNOW logically that I cannot fix this. I can't.
Emotionally, I have ALWAYS been able to fix any problem.
