Frank, forgive the coming analogy...and go with me for a minute or two...
You are like a dog on a leash that is determined to go in a particular direction but has not given any thought to the light post in his path. Instead of trusting his owner to guide him, he has wrapped himself repeatedly around the light post - still trying to go in the same direction. Eventually, if left to his own devices the dog might even choke himself to death instead of trying something different.
Now a real dog's owner will impose his will on the dog because he knows that he knows better how to get the dog to where he needs to be (which isn't necessarily where the dog thinks he WANTS to be, mind you).
YOUR "owner" will never impose His will on you. He will let you continue the course you have determined that you wish to be on. He will wait for you while the world, and the people in it, serve themselves to your detriment. All the while He will hope that you will turn to Him. He doesn't step in and stop the pain but He does offer quite a refuge from the storms of life. And out of pain, He WILL birth wonderful things.
Understand, He will take whatever is wrong in your life, and while He isn't One to just say "erase, erase, erase" and make it all go away, He does bring hope.
If you turn to Him.
The choice will always be yours, though.
Because you are not a dog.
He will let you keep wrapping yourself up around the light post.
That is free will.
But you have another option and it's called surrender.
You won't HAVE to keep coming up with ways to survive this. You will know He is carrying you through.
You won't have to wonder if you will find love again. He will love you and teach you to love yourself.
You won't have to worry about the future. You will know in Whose hands it is in.
I haven't seen anyone at such an obvious crossroads that still just wants to keep walking around the light post.
Stop.
You have a Master waiting to untangle you and show you the Way.
