Hope you are doing well, GAL and are busy with Xmas plans.
Just a note from someone who sat through disastrous marriage counseling - *(I'm sure you already know it though) *(marriage counseling from my experience is one of the worst things you can do if the R is already under stress). Your spouse will feel trapped and like you want them to change their point of view. And that only makes them dig their heels in further.
I hate the plan of you bringing up the lack of physical touch (you are telling her she is wrong and she needs to change) and I hate the plan that you are going to move the talk onto 'bigger issues'. Maybe you should address W's issues and treat them as equally big as your own?
Sounds like you are out to prove that you are RIGHT that the R is a disaster and your W is not a good W. And you are going to use the counselor as the judge - you've got all the evidence against W already prepared. Sounds like you are hoping counselor will tell W she is wrong and she needs to change.
Sorry Jeff I could be totally wrong - partly I recognise myself in what you are doing (sorry if I'm just transferring my own crap onto yours). Your C thought it was a good idea - so what would I know?!? Just I've been there, done that, got the opposite result to what I wanted.
Really hope that your R wont go down the track of mine.... better to GAL I say!
I can see where MC can be a bad thing. But I don't see much choice but to go forward with it. You are right, I think she will feel trapped, no matter how it is handled.
I don't plan to not address her issues, but I am not going to let those be the only issues. I've been down that path, and it doesn't work either. To her, the things she is complaining about are big, and they are real. But, there are other issues that have to be brought out, as well.
I think that both set of issues need to be addressed. her views need to be validated, but not at the expense of mine.
I don't think you are wrong, actually I could see MC as potentially being a lose-lose situation. I think the best thing that could happen would be for the C to ask the right questions so that W actually brought up the lack of PT. That way it isn't me "against" her. But, somehow, I don't expect that will be how it goes.
W has worked the last three days, and tomorrow. I'll ask for her schedule once that streak is done. I think that the way things will work out is that we need to wait until the next schedule, since this one only reaches into the middle of January. Ideally, she would make the appointment, since my schedule can be completely flexible, and hers can't. But I don't think that is a great plan, either.
Hey Jeff.. just off to bed! I thought Essie had some interesting points... but I see you do too. How about, keeping an open mind? Having no preconceived ideas about how it might go/what you want to bring up? Let the MC lead ? (is she/he any good, do you know? Solution oriented?). I guess Essie is saying, that she pushed her issues and ended up S? But then... things have been like a S for you in many ways anyway. I hope you manage to get an appoointment fixed up soon anyway!
