I am sorry you feel down and sad and miss your W. I feel the same, its so hard to think of him enjoying Christmas skiing with his new gf!!!!Its not surprising how you feel. I get the odd comment now like.."well its been over a year..." as if I am being ridiculous to still be in this place, still be upset/miss him.
BUt considering the way our partners left, it is not surprising. Its like a death and yet its worse than that, as my therapist said, as you have the shock and ejection on top. Would anyone expect you to be chipper and moved on, or happy at Christmas time this year, if she HAD died? No. So, this is all normal ok!
But.. I will say, as agonising as it is.. it is a comfort to me to still have him in my life and a friendship of sorts. To know he still cares about me, for it to be amicable and warm.
I know I have asked you several times, but.. your W does seem to reach out to you now and then on email.. do you think you could reconsider your position and try and build a tentative friendship with her? Could you push past the pain barrier to get to that nugget of friendship?? Or do you feel too fragile to try? I am sure you could in time, when you are eventually stronger.
Thinking of you as always. I too have felt lately pretty empty, even dead inside (like my ex) but it ebbs and flows and some days (like today) I think, no its not so bad.. but it will get better for us, hey, I promise!
