Oh my MWG h was a mess today. Grouchy. I don't blame him though, some yahoo hit his car and then took off. It's like bumper cars here with the snow.
H just left and there was a pile of snow on our cars. Not sure what is going to happen with my h. He says he is NOT coming for Christmas because he doesn't want to be around anyone that I bad mouthed about h. Ok now this was 3 years ago.
I said h is this how it's going to be. He said yes for the next 10 years. Is that a joke or what. He just can't forgive me. He said what happened between us should have stayed between us, but no I had to make it public.
I said h how are we going to fix this. He says not your problem. I said yes it's my problem too since it involves me. Talking to h today was like talking to a wall.
How can we continue if he can't get past this? He isn't even trying to do anything about it either. He is so angry inside. He forgets his part in this whole mess.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I said h how are we going to fix this. He says not your problem. I said yes it's my problem too since it involves me. Talking to h today was like talking to a wall.
How can we continue if he can't get past this? He isn't even trying to do anything about it either. He is so angry inside. He forgets his part in this whole mess.
I thought you posted on MWG's thread that he's coming over for Christmas Eve. Did he change his mind about that too? Is he coming over for Eve or not?
It's positive that he is at least insisting that it's his problem, not yours. That's huge. Or is he saying "mind your own business and don't tell him he should deal with it"?
Have you heard the saying "hurting people hurt"? He's hurting... and you're right about his needing to deal with him. He has to mke that decision though. Keep praying that God will move his heart wherever He chooses to move it. God will move it and remember He hates divorce. Ask Him to give your H a Damascus Road experience... this Christmas so that he turns to Him and back to you. Also try to remember his salvation is even more important than your M restoration.
It's MWG's h that is now coming for Christmas Eve. He said that he is healing and don't tell me how to deal with this.
I said something about when I wrong someone I go to them and say I am sorry. He said that is you NOT ME. Quit telling me what to do.
My h is not saying that he wants to end this, but not sure how we move forward.
Oh, sorry - I misunderstood about Christmas Eve. It's late here. I fell asleep earlier and just woke up to get ready for real bedtime - hee hee.
GG, pray for God's guidance. He will show you, if you ask Him. And I still think this is a Love & Respect principle issue in addition to his needing to decide to work on his anger. It takes time to admit to oneself that we need to work on ourselves. Not easy to decide to do that, especially when someone is telling we need to.
I was like that before the S, in terms of admitting I was wrong and deciding to work on my mistakes. It made it harder for me to work on myself when my H kept telling to do so. Now I realize that he was doing it for the good of our M, and that he was doing it out of goodwill. He just didn't know how to approach it effectively.
If both people realize that the other is good-willed, it helps the conflict resolution. Love & Respect teaches this too.
What a mess today. My hair appt was cancelled with the weather. We are iced in. H just called and said he can't get his car out, so he won't be coming over. Also yesterday when he came over he showed me where some yahoo hit his car and ran off. One nightmare on top of another.
I just want this whole week to end. H and I were going to have a nice lunch together without the kids today, but now he is stuck. He said he would try to come over later. I am not counting on anything at the moment.
Not really sure how to manage this anger thing with h and how he is blaming me for bad mouthing him 3 years ago. Give me a break and my h will need to let this go.
How does one heal? Any thoughts?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
As for your husband and his being very upset with you.
Does he hold grudges? I would say that you probably would ask for his forgiveness and considering that he left all of you, there is a good amount of anger that comes out initially.
I would like to know if he thinks that you all should accept all he has done (leave all of you, etc) and that it is what it is type thinking and don't question him.
GG: Was he always this controlling with you before this NLCstuff began?
Just trying to figure out why he is so quick to blame you and hang on to the past and grudges. I suspect he is a very unhappy man.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MWG I am trying to figure this all out. He has OCD obsessive compulsive disorder. Not an extreme case, but he has signs. I do have some of that myself too.
He has always been on the controlling side. I guess I was a bit blinded in the m and really didn't notice the control issues. They really seem to be coming out now.
Like yesterday I was going to take public transport to get my hair done and h says NO Glam just cancel the appointment. It's not that important. Which he was right and it ended up being cancelled anyway, but he always seems to want to control what he does and me as well.
I have asked him to forgive me. Well we can see that has happened. He seems to be holding a grudge. Not sure if he has always been like that.
I big part of this whole issue is that his image has been tarnished. He feels let down and betrayed by me for telling others. I don't blame him, but you either need to decide to forgive or move on.
I don't think he knows how to forgive. He says he is healing and trying to figure it all out. He is always so vague as to what he is talking about. Figure all what out?
He said if he knew how to fix it he would. He said he doesn't know how.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Before he can move forward and heal, he has to forgive you just like you have to/or have forgiven him.
If he cannot get past forgiveness and the control, I think professional help and lots of faith and prayer are needed in order to get to the next level of healing and actual reconciliation.
I have to say that my H is not controlling at all like what you describe about your H so all I can do is say what I think while reading your posts. My H is very laid back and can be a perfectionist but he never expects me to be like that.
And maybe, too, with Christmas a few days away, he feels pressure because he is a husband and father and people look up to him.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Thanks MWG. I am sure he is stressed with the holidays. Another year for h away from his family. He will dissapear and not answer his phone during this time, then he will resurface after it's all over.
So sad that is how he wants to live. I find it very selfish behavior, but that's me.
I don't know how h is feeling inside. Trying to understand, but h is not willing to share much.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
