Last night one of the couples I talked too was celebrating their anniversary but they didn't know which one. They had been M for about 12 years and then separated and then D and now remarried for a year.
It was pretty interesting to listen to them tell their story. The W said the H had tried to reconcile with her about a year after they were S but she wouldn't hear of it. She was dating someone else.
A year later she was at the movies with her son and watched her xh walk out with his date. She said she cried all night and called him later and the rest is a love story.
They said it cost them no less than $100,000 to D and get it out of their systems and get back together.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Do you ever get so far apart that you know you don't want to go back to sharing everything? I mean that I do want an honest relationship but I don't think I can ever be as open as I was before.
I know this feeling. I was just thinking about it the other day. Maybe openness comes back as more trust comes back.
Anyway, I'm so glad to hear that H talked about you like that infront of all those people. These baby steps are interesting...but I totally understand your frustration at how slowly they come and at the spurts and then the great gaps in between them.
What good steps happening! I love that you joined him in the shower (SWEET!) and he put his arms around you, I love that he said such nice things about you to everyone too!
Good news! I am doing a mortgage conversion and dropping my interest rate by 1.5%. That drops my payment significantly also, which gives me breathing room and I could pretty much afford to keep the place without help from H if he walks. I would still downsize some of the livestock to ease the workload but I wouldn't have to sell land.
I don't feel that H is walking out anymore, but I can't not let myself be dillusioned about if it could still happen. I have been working for years to get to this point financially, and here I am. Very tight but manageable I think.
H continues oscillating between moody/quiet/evasive and cheery/chatty/sharing. Or is that me? Hard to tell anymore if we are in coexistence or peaceful existence. When the opportunity allows I tease him about sleeping on the couch but if he ever decides to move back to the bedroom I wonder how we would handle that. Not losing sleep about it though! He takes it pretty good but sometimes acts miffed.
It's the first Christmas in a number of years I feel I am gaining momentum and confidence rather than feeling this is the last and being afraid of what the new year will bring. I hope this feeling continues and I don't end up in a big crash.
I was the designated driver for a Monday night football party. I got a free night out AND I won a digital camera! H was still up when I got home after midnight, he is always gone on Mondays for skiing so I didn't tell him I would be gone too.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW that is awesome news! I am so glad to see you being a little more optimistic (is that the right word?). It does sound like things may be a little better in your sitch.
I hope that you have a wonderful holiday!
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I let H know my Christmas Eve schedule and asked what his was, he wouldn't get home until after I was leaving for church and family stuff. He said he would let me know his plans. While I was in church H sent me txt and said 'will require a chauffuer'. I drove back home and we went together to my family.
I left a couple small gifts for H on the couch. I didn't expect anything from him and I was right. What was odd was his statement on Christmas Day about his gifts. "When do I open these? I didn't know you would get me anything." I just responded with he could open them whenever he wanted. I did not add that I have given him gifts EVERY year thru this whole mess why would this year be different?? Has he really been in that much of a MLC fog that he hasn't even remembered?
The other nice thing was that both of the things he opened right away and put to use. Other years he would just lay them aside and ignore. I did get a card from H, very generic and signed Merry Christmas.
We spent the day with family and had a nice time. I mean really nice. I noticed how H would smile and laugh with his face and eyes again. Also, get this - H forgot his cell phone so he was phoneless the whole day. hahaha. We were in a bit of a rush to leave as at the last minute H remembered he wanted to take one of his old laptops along for my BIL to use and he had to find all the extra pieces.
The only bad note was on the drive home I asked H if he would be able to help me this weekend pick up some new livestock. He said no because he would be hunting all weekend. (Now even the positive here is that he told me before he just left, for a number of years in the middle of this he would just leave without telling me anything except see ya later.) I told H since he would be hunting all weekend he could do chores for me last night and tonight since I would end up doing his chores while he would be hunting. He got a little miffed over me saying I do his chores and tried to tell me he did them even when he went hunting. I hesitated a second thinking I didn't want to end up in a spat over this, but then I thought he really has to understand reality so I explained more and I think he didn't like it but he remembered without admitting anything. Good enough for now for me.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Other years he would just lay them aside and ignore. I did get a card from H, very generic and signed Merry Christmas.