I am so happy to hear that you got the ILY words! It is amazing what that feels like- you will never take it for granted again.
my suggestion is to not miss the opportunity to say I love you back! You don't have to get all crazy about it, but match his level of affection. You don't want him to think that it isn't being returned. Just remember to MATCH his level- not exceed it.
What I have started doing when my H says ILY, is say it back, then tell him something I love about him- like I love your smile. That way it makes it a bit more personal and hopefully makes them feel good about making US feel good.
And you know what- we both are spending X-mas with our H's which is the most amazing gift of all!
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
I don't think we are "there" yet by any means, or that he has fully decided to recommit. However the words definitely meant the world to me. I did return them in a calm voice. It is a good idea to mention something specific. If I get another ILY any time soon, I think I will do that.
It is an amazing gift to have the holidays, really to have any time. I hope you are still doing really well,
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
ILY!!!! That is so amazing!! Not to mention that you handled it amazingly, I can only imagine how much you wanted to jump on top of him and scream out in joy but you maintained your composure beautifully!!!
Aww thanks Sep :). Yes I think if I had acted emotionally H would have freaked out. I could already tell he felt a bit weird about the ILY exchange in general, so it was better not to make a big deal of it. It does feel good as it was just a part of a normal, non-R conversation about me going to town to do some shopping, so there was no reason to say it out of guilt or to appease me or anything. No ILYs since, but there have been 2 lengthy hugs, and some compliments about me being cute, and having a cute little voice...
Anyway H is out of town until Wednesday afternoon now, so not sure how much he and I will talk over the next 2 days. He will probably let me know when he gets to his destination, and there are some plumbing issues in the house so we'll probably go back and forth about those...
I'll post if anything interesting happens :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Thanks so much for stopping by. Crossing my fingers the good things continue. We are really not there yet as little things constantly remind me, but I do know we are in a much better place than a couple of months ago. I cannot say we are piecing yet since H has still not committed, but I know that I am trying to do whatever piecing that one person can do on her own...
Hope you're having a good day!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Not a lot has been happening in the ITH house over the past few days. H has been on a business trip for the past 2 nights, and things are slow at work as about 90% of my coworkers have already left for holidays.
Well I do have to complain about local plumbing and shoddily built houses. People may remember me complaining about the boiler breaking...well this weekend it was the toilet, how gross is that!?
So, for the last 2 days I've had to be here while we finally got a plumber who could fix this as H was out of town, like this isn't a real emergency that should be fixed at weekend rates? (we rent, don't own) So this hasn't helped me any at work, but the good news is that nobody is around anyway.
H contact has been mainly about the plumbing, but there was a thank you for dealing with it thrown in there. He has been thanking me more for the things that I do. Anyway he's back this afternoon, but we don't have anything planned for the next 4 days. I get a little nervous about this as I think it's a true test of our ability to be around each other, no fun excursions or anything, just me and him. For me this is fine, but as usual not sure what he's thinking, but I do know it's not yet the time to ask. Anyway 1 week exactly until we fly to the Czech Republic. Very excited!
So happy holidays to everyone reading this, and I hope we all get holiday miracles this year :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hi ITH, thanks for stopping by. Merry Christmas to you and I do hope you get your miracle this year...
I understand what you are saying about having no plans. And it could feel awkward but I think it is in your best interest to try and "prepare" a few things. Maybe you could rent a movie or two and just have them handy, think of a couple of restaurants you could go to, think of a somewhere you could go for a walk in the Christmas mood. Just mention things like that to him and keep it light, and most importantly, I think you should "act as if." As if everyting is fine, "easy living",loving, smile and laugh, try to avoid the tension of walking on eggshells with him. My H and I have been falling back to "old routines" everytime we are alone in the house without the kids, even if it is for 15 minutes... It doesnt feel good although he doesnt seem to care.
Anyway, have a good time, try to be and stay positive, a smile can solve issues and relax people much faster than anything else. Take care, Merry Christmas, have a nice trip, xxx K
Sorry I have been awol, I have been busy preparing for Christmas. Congratulations on the ILY, that is such wonderful news and I couldn't be more thrilled for you.
Have a wonderful Christmas, I like what Kalni said about acting as if.
Hey ITH, thinking of you.. you are one of those rare things around here.. you have managed to get your R back in the right direction! I agree with Kalni, try and relax a little, he isnt going to up and leave just if you plan for you both to go out for a walk, or watch a movie, I agree!
I hope it goes well and that you sail through it, Happy Christmas! Al xxxx
ILY!!!! That is so amazing!! Not to mention that you handled it amazingly, I can only imagine how much you wanted to jump on top of him and scream out in joy but you maintained your composure beautifully!!!