All your NEED's need to be put on hold right now. Make it all about HER.
I don't really agree with this. Unless of course it was meant to say that your needs REGARDING HER AND THE MARRIAGE need to be put on hold. Your OTHER needs are paramount right now. You are losing pieces of something that presumably is very important to you. That can be difficult. If your wife is slowly checking out, you will receive less and less from her. Now is the time to take care of yourself. You become your priority.
Once again I ask, what is YOUR role in the relationship becoming less than what it once was? How have YOU become less than the man you were when your wife fell in love with you?
You haven't answered either of these questions. That suggests to me that your focus is still all on HER. You'll just have to trust me on this when I tell you that's a BAD approach to the crisis you find yourself in now.
I don't mean to suggest that you've become some kind of ogre that your wife cannot love anymore. But we all change as the years go by. Most of us get lazy, start to take things for granted, develop irritating little ways of doing things. Sometimes we begin to compromise things we once stood strong about. Maybe we even give up on some of the plans we once told our spouse we hoped to accomplish.
You cannot do much to affect what she's going through. It's far easier to cause further damage between the two of you than it is to do something that produces incredibly positive changes. You avoid relationship talks with your spouse because it pressures her to explain herself (she doesn't want to explain herself to you right now) and it gives her the opportunity to point out all the negative things that are rolling around in her head (true or not).
I don't think you're at the point where any of us would be telling you to leave her alone to the point of going dark or dim on her. But you do need to come to the realization that
a) this is something SHE is going through b) it's not likely she wants your help or advice about it c) it's far easier for you to do damage than good right now
She wants space? Give her space. That doesn't mean that you start trying to do everything under the sun for her to make her life easier. As Smurf shared, I think that would only be perceived by her as either pursuing (pressure) or needy (weak). Both are bad.
So start shifting the focus to you. Do some introspection. This is a chance for YOU to make some changes that perhaps have been needed for some time.
You.
That's what you can control.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
