Nasmat - #2

[Hope4us]

My H works and lives in the same general area where my parents live. I'm terrified that one day I'll run into him with OW. I've also noticed that I am developing a real loathing of young waitresses. No matter where I go out to eat, I see them and wonder if OW looks like any of them. I find myself looking on younger women with real contempt - especially if they are thinner than me. Everytime I pass a big grey truck, I'm looking to see if it is my H. It seems like everywhere I go, there is some place that is a reminder of our life.

I have to wonder if he experiences this same sort of haunting. Does he see my ghost in places, in songs, in TV, the way I see his? Does he think of me at all, and if so, what are those thoughts? Does his family speak of me? What do his friends and sisters say about all of this? How much do they know of the A? Is he falling deeper into the A, or are cracks beginning to form?

Does he have regrets? Does he ever feel lonely without me? Does he worry about me? How often does he think of our dog? Does he ever miss sleeping beside me? Does he dream of me the way he used to? Will he miss me on Christmas? Is he happy when he dreams of a future apart - and does he even dream of that future?

I'll never truly know the answers to those questions, and so I do let them know. But occassionally, they do creep in.

It is a grey day today, but hopefully I can generate enough sunniness on the inside to enjoy it nonetheless.

~Nas

All very normal Nas. My W's OM moved 250 miles away before I confirmed her A, has a new GF that he's been seeing since this time last year (while stringing my W along and using her when he had a chance, mostly when she'd take off and drive to his town) and as best I can tell, hasn't had any contact with W for quite a while, but I still have those same thoughts go through my head.

Every time I see a truck like OM drives, I wonder if it's him, even though he lives 250 miles away. Every time I see a license plate from the state his truck is registered in, I have some angry moments. Everytime someone mentions Louisiana (where he's from and his wife and kids still live) I get very ANGRY. And I used to LOVE Louisiana. Visited there many times and always had a great time. But now I frickin hate the state. Every time my W mentions someone at her work that has the same job that OM did while he was here I have an adverse reaction and think "I'm sure he/she is a frickin a-hole too.

I'm sure it will get better with time. It has for me somewhat, but I can tell you it just takes time. I'm a lot further along in my sitch than you are and it does get better.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.